Its December and I Remember Too Well Where I Was This Time Last Year

 

2024 is the year I learned everyone is tapped. 

Nothing has been normal. And everyone is crazy. In a strange way I feel like the past year hasn’t happened. It replays in my head daily yet I cant seem to recall much. Maybe its for the better. Maybe this is god plan to keep me humble and shut me up. If the unspeakable happens then I guess Im just along for the ride. 

Im just glad I got to travel and be lit. I got my degree. I saw god a few times. I watched the same movie with different men. Sold my body online. And now I'm selling my health to pay rent. Im taking it all with a grain of salt and finding peace in the situations I find myself in. I go to the casino to drink and watch my friends gamble. I go to the bars I used to get kicked out of and tell people I barely know really gross things I've done. I dream of what feels like an unattainable reality where I don’t live in Chicago. 

I pray to god there comes a day where I am no longer tied to this place. but I fear it may not come. Until my mom retires and moves to the ocean I will be here- chained to the Metra and my dying dogs. 

I miss the days I would spend writing for hours. With nothing to do but research whatever my heart desired and fantasize about how fruitful life seemed. I cant say I'm not still an optimist, but that girl is definitely a little a more buried than she once was. 

A couple weeks ago I went to an iron pour in Milwaukee. I hadn’t been there since I was living there as a kid. I saw my childhood home, they painted the front door orange. The same house where I would pretend to be a dentist and use cuticle tools to "clean" my dads teeth(bless his heart but actually not but shoutout I guess). I would eat turkey bacon for breakfast and listen to pearl jam on the stereo. I have so much to say about the iron pour but I'll leave it simple. I learned so much and met so many wonderful people. Sometimes I forget that genuine communities still exist full of love, I am infinitely grateful to be reminded. #blessed lol 

Although things feel so dark and evil I have to remind myself it is not common to have your dream career fresh out of college so I have to stay awesome to honor that privilege.  

One of these days I'm gonna start reading again. I have so many things to read that I know will bring me back to my truest form. 

Because I have free will I have now decided y'all are getting a FAMEHURTS reading list. 

In no particular order

1. Crash (J.G. Ballard) 

2. The Future of Art: A Diary (Erik Niedling with Ingo Niermann) 

3. The Compleat Purge (Trisha Low) 

4. Open Season (C.J. Box) 

5. Native Son (Richard Wright) 

Since I just regurgitated thoughts I didn't even know I had this might be a good point to end the post. 

I hope everyone has a beautiful new year

Kiss something. Dream about drinking more water and getting rid of that cortisol face the algorithm convinced you that you have. Speak in baby talk to your millennial family members babies. Buy a pet you cant afford let alone take care of. Set it free in the park down the street. Keep hitting the vape and tell everyone its the last one you’re gonna buy. Eat something delicious and feel bad about it immediately after. Yell at strangers when your boyfriend pisses you off. Weaponize yourself with whatever feels right.

I think thats all I got for now. 

With Love 

FAME