I went to the Mountains to Meet God, Touch Guns, and Win Scratch-offs: The Midwestern Girls Dream
It truly is a blessing being able to rock through the Midwest in such a wholesome way. Making stops at tourist traps to eat a cardiologist's nightmare breakfast just to stop at the gas station to buy lottery tickets and keep going. There is nothing I love more than the Midwest... sorry.
Actually, I'm not sorry because I have spent too much time with cunts from New England who try to play this supremacy game. Respectfully yall are just a bunch of pilgrims in Brandy Melville.
I have come to understand this trip to the mountain as the midwestern girl's equivalent to being sent to the sea to become normal again. I don't need to swim in cold Atlantic waves but I do need to climb pre-historic boulders and shoot antique shotguns. It is noon and I have spoken a total of 25 words- all regarding my ability to pick up a 40 lb lithium battery and solid steal road grater. NONE of that gay shit that I usually talk about. Don't worry though, I'm still wearing a free people top... I mean- take the yuppie out of the city. At least I stay a realist.
It has been a long and scary minute since the last time I wrote for this blog. I spent the past 5 months so happy but so traumatized by life, yet all in ways that would simply be inappropriate to write about in the blog. This is so annoying because I used to thrive by doxing myself and others but now it's less cute so I've humbled myself. I never promise because I find myself too self-aware to do so but I hope to begin writing regularly again- whether that be to stir the pot or to feed my ego of thinking anyone gives a fuck about what I have to say.
I am writing this from the top of a mountain that until today had no access to cell data let alone wifi. If I ever have enough social pull to be sponsored by a brand... I will sell and say anything Verizon ever asks. Thanks to them I am now able to be lit and mysterious on top of a remote mountain while still talking shit online and texting all my baes.
I can happily announce that I have yet to be called a lesbian in a dairy queen this time around (growing out my 2021 dyke haircut has done me so well).
Instead of homophobia- this year I was met with two 60-year-old bikers at a gas station who were apparently checking me out in front of my grandmother who clocked the whole thing. She confronts them "You better watch out looking at her like that she is my granddaughter". They respond that the reason they were so into me is that I LOOK LIKE I COULD BE THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER TOO... these fools wanna fuck the granddaughters they don't even have...
Honestly shoutout to them for the transparency but holy shit Wyoming gets more tapped every year. And shoutout to my grandma for confronting men everywhere always.
I'm not sure I have much else to say regarding this trip without doxing myself and others. I would love to yap as I once did in 2022 but I feel that growth is necessary to my social well-being. One of these days I'll go back to vaguely exposing everyone again.
I hope everyone is having the most lit midwestern summer and if you're on any of America’s coasts then I guess you too
I will have more to say once I fly out of Billings Montana- to follow I will be in Kansas City to truly live the Midwestern dream to the fullest.
With Love, Stay Awesome
FAME
