I avidly try to avoid shorter formatted writing because I don’t believe in poetry it just simply is not my cup of tea. But I do recognize the nature of my writing heavily relies on small individual thoughts strung together into a manifesto style essay so I guess if you hate me you could argue its a form of poetry. Either way, who am I to truly attempt this conversation in the first place.
Ive decided since yall are fake af and no one seems to use tumblr I am going to dump the past couple months worth of tumblr text posts on here for everyone to read because sometimes I'm so funny and no one gets to see it since it hidden in whatever algorithm or lack there of on tumblr.
Today, 12/21/24
I was on the phone with my mentor who has voluntarily reclused himself to an island in Maine. I was telling him about the evilness of the past few months and it became very clear to him I was in a lot of pain. Listening to me bitch he started crying (I could see the tears through a zoom call 1000 miles away). He paused, took a wim hof breath and then told me that ever since he met me I have been an old wise man but sometimes I need to learn to not be a baby snake.
Adult snakes have enough venom to kill but they know to just use enough to incapacitate someone for a little while. But baby snakes, with the same deadly venom, don't have the control and more often than not, kill whatever they bite.
It's been weeks and I'm still thinking about this moment and I fear I might not stop anytime soon.
12/20/24
Today while working on a project related to 9/11 at work my boss asked me how old I was when it happened and I had to tell him I wasn't born yet then he asked why I know so much and I had to explain that I was obsessed with 9/11 as a child and actively make a point to visit the memorial every time I'm in New York still even though I don't have a single tangible tie to the event. Then I started telling him about the biographies that I would read as a 9 year old from survivors about the people who saved them from the towers. My boss said nothing and walked out of the room.
11/29/24
Wednesday before thanksgiving, I drank moscow mules and looked at engagement rings for my best friend. Christmas Vacation played on one TV and the Bulls game on the other. I love Chicago and I love leaving the bar to 20 degree weather.
11/19/24
I have the most strange mixed feelings about this apartment I hate it so much but I have so much love for what it's done for me. My landlords are lobotomized and make me wanna hurt people but it's a block away from my best friend and my favorite liquor store. The walls used to be maroon and stone grey- I painted them white this summer when things got weird. #chicago
10/31/24
All I need is some lip filler and a breast lift and it's over
Or maybe I really do need to be banished to the sea like it's the 1800s.
I'll think about the Lady Gaga 2016 Art Pop tour at Summerfest. I'll wear the merch which was once massive on my 13 year old frame and consider that one day I too may need to scream about fame and roll around in paint.
Though I am planted in Chicago and the greater Midwest I am grateful for the pictures my memory has painted of the past. I can't say I remember how I ever felt- but I take it as a blessing. For now it is all rose tinted. #trying to find peace. can you tell
10/13/24
My Uber is driving the type of slow that kills people. It's easy to say that I wish women didn't hate each other so much but I am a woman who hates women.
In July I stopped using the internet and became really unfunny while trying to get back into my online fetish work so cut to June
6/25/24
Every time I come home after a trip I get so depressed with the familiarity of Chicago but then I remember that beers are still 2 dollars and kitchen floor tiles are duct taped together by my landlord and it's all okay
Also 6/25/24
Praying 2024 is the year people finally understand that I simply won't hype them up unless my bones tell me to. Call your mom for that type of validation I'll be here.
I am not a good lier #honest girl
12/28/23
I thought being 3rd generation in the US from Greek farmland was so easy and cute with all the fun parts of old tradition. making me feel a bit more unique from my peers in Chicago where everyone(as in everyone of European decent) is polish or irish catholic and loves to talk about it.
Until my grandfather got old and it's been 9 years since my first period making me suitable for motherhood. Now all of our conversations revolve around his suddenly conservative politics and my need to begin procreating. I'm not sure if this is because I became more radical, suddenly he seems like a traditionalist but the expectation to have children is straight out of left field.
He also won't shut up about how our family dogs should be forced to live outside like they did in the old country. He reminds us of the time his grandmother fed a stray dog broken glass hidden within ground beef because the dog bit my grandfather.
Im not sure I completely understand the need for the story unless he is plotting something. Nevertheless I adore this man. I just hope i don't disappoint him by not having children in the next 5 years.
