In the Club

It was a night of Italian men. 

It starts off with a man who only speaks Italian asking me for directions to the Berlin TV Tower. But he is speaking Italian and asking me if I am Italian. He asks for a cigarette. Time for Fame to Lie. 

After giving him directions he decides they are not useful to him. he is going to walk.

 to AlexanderPlatz. 

Okay. 👄

He bares his farewell by grabbing us by the hand and giving us a slobbery kiss on each cheek. I love Coronavirus. 

I am later rated by a group of German men ages ranging between 19 and what could be 60. 

They decided to position my friend and I in front of them at a table. On 3 they hold up cardboard scraps with the number 10 scribbled on them. 

Just got rated by a bunch of men.

In front of my own damn eyes. 

Only issue- they only had 10s… I asked what. Happens if they’re ugly. “Then we flip and they get a zero” they tell me. 

The biggest of their group decides to stand up in a mean attempt to assert some sort of dominance. But he can barely stand up as he’s pinned between the bench and the table. He starts yelling about being a football player. He is 6 foot something and wide as a 5 year old is long. 

There is no way this man plays Football… HIs arms are too big to play a foot sport. 

Turns out this motherfucker plays AMERICAN football. 

UR kidding 

CUT the cameras

NO way I’ve found myself linking an American football player in Berlin. 

He starts begging me to go to his game… 

BITCH....

just because I’m from America doesn’t mean I know anything about football… 

Honestly bold as fuck for him to assume anything about me

He gets angry that I don’t know anything- saying “you’re from chicago, the Bears, the NFL.,., how do you not know what positions there is” 

Bitch…

Before I can tell him to fuck off about a sport that caused the boys of my high-school to call me a school shooter- 

he’s holding my drivers license. 

Hmmm

interesting. 

How did This Happen

The German drunks are absolutely blown. That a 16 year old Fame,.,

1. Looked like that 

2. was allowed to drive 

3. couldn’t legally drink

Meanwhile this charismatic meathead’s GIRLFRIEND is sitting there just blankly staring up at me. How this man has a girlfriend… beyond me. She them proceeds to tell me that I look 25. 

I’ll Kill Myself. 

SAY IT AGAIN FAGGOTS 

The people of this country are gonna have me getting botox at 19.

We bare our fair wells to the drunks and leave them to rate the general public of Mitte. 

Making our way to the most painful 2 hours in line with a Random Austrian Man.

As 4 queer people, sitting in line at a reopening from covid club, talking about abortion and the sitcom that is American politics... 

This OLD Austrian man decides he needs to be educated. 

How I have found myself in a foreign country just for the people to be way too interested in the reasons why I left the USA.... why me. 

Go find an SJW transplant Berliner from the lower east side

A pair of sexy Italian men stand behind him. They steadily make strange eye contact with me. Specifically the one with the septum piercing. maybe the Italians care about American women reproductive rights too. 

Once we get to the door, Austrian man is (-thank fucking god-) turned away.

 

 I descend into 3 hours with girls that are so doe eyed deer in headlights amazed that they got in. I cannot believe I have found myself in this situation. 

I find myself being rude of accident. Nothing I can do about it now.I said what I said

We find the Italian men again- tried to go outside to smoke, we find our way to the door- the sun is out…

Excuse me?

No 

We get a solid- 2 feet out the door.. We aren’t allowed to leave. 

They tell us to smoke inside- Ive been smoking inside but what if I want to smoke outside? Haters? 

Club full of cages? They don’t let you leave? Ill kill myself? 

As clouted as this club was- I was underwhelmed.. granted I only heard 2 Djs… As I did not get in until 03:30 am 

Maybe I try again.. I do love to be deprived of all my senses. To forget that you’re even standing… makes me wet.

 Let alone forgetting that you’re completely surrounded by people. 

The club is the best alone time I will ever get. CANNOT BELIEBE that just came out of my mouth

But... Blink 2 times if you agree;)

The most traumatizing bit of all, getting back to Neukölln at 07:46… on a Sunday…. 

I walk in circles trying to find a single piece of food. 

Nothing but McDonalds breakfast… 

FAME DOES NOT EAT MCDONALDS BREAKFAST.

I tap around the menu for too long just to realize that it is not worth it to buy 2 hashbrowns for 4 Euros.  A crime to European hashbrown lovers everywhere 

I go home and fall asleep with a quinoa rice cake 

GoodMorning FAMe 💋

SHAKE Ass, Drive FAST, SMOKE Grass