I got cancelled again

On this episode of disgusting claims made against me by the general populous of Instagram

My favorite thing about this year's edition of cancelation: 

CALLS on the phone asking me if I kill animals. 

At this point, I fucking wish I was killing this shit so all these cunts could at least be correct while they harass me online calling me Jeffrey Dahmer. BRUH 

Last I checked I don't rape or kill but anyway---

Just cause I grew up in Wisconsin sometimes does not mean I was learning my animal gutting ways there. Matter-a-fact I learned it in Chicagoland you sick fucks. 

To the MF that called me a bastard- you’re right, good job on the guess, you were spot on. 

No one is ready to have the conversation I'm starting and that’s okay, so instead I will use this platform for a story-time. 

When I was 7 years old, I collected carnival fish. My favorite thing to do while growing up in Wisconsin was going to as many carnivals as possible and using every one of my family members to win as many fish as we could. 

I would then rely on my father to take care of these fish as if they were his children and not factory-farmed victims of capitalism in the form of cotton candy and Ferris wheels.

My father became very dedicated to keeping these fish alive as long as possible for the sake of breaking away from the doom these fish typically face 2-3 days or weeks after their conception from the huts of fried butter and children that leave a trail of stickiness everywhere they go. 

These fish not only lived for multiple years but grew insanely large. Some of them were the really awesome cartoony ones that had eyes that bulged out of their heads…. can you tell I fucking loved these fish… 

One day in December I got a call from my father after school 

“Hey, Soph I have really bad news. One of the carnival fish was floating in the tank this morning” 

“That’s okay… could you freeze it for me for next weekend” 

“I'm sorry I know how much you loved the fish we can get you another one next summer”

“No it's alright can you please put it in the freezer though”

“That’s fucking disgusting no it will get our food dirty”

“Not if you wrap it in a billion plastic bags” (something my scientist mother had taught me)

“Um”

2 weeks later I am on the kitchen counter dissecting my deceased pet and my stepmother walks in

GAGS HER FUCKING BRAINS OUT 

Then runs out of the kitchen yelling for my father to make sure I didn’t completely lose my 7-year-old marbles

I continued to remove all of its organs one by one until only the bulgy eyeballs were left(best for last) 

Once all the bits and pieces of my beloved fish were divorced across paper towels and ziplock bags I decided I was not done until I saw the insides of its organs too. 

MIND YOU I'M USING KITCHEN KNIVES AND UTENSILS 

Until my stepmom came back in with my father who saw me as elbow-deep as you can be in a 4-inch carnival goldfish. They decided I had taken it too far, started getting too creeped out, and took my splay of guts and skin and threw it away;( 

Needless to say, this was just the beginning of my awesomeness- I hope this paints the picture for all the cunts on the internet who realllllllly want me to shut up... maybe you'll get it one day

All I can say at this point is to respectfully get off my page or hop on my wave cause it's awesome over here. It feels like the Wisconsin Dell's tidal pool, it's quite fun. There are margs and floats that look like goldfish and dead animals everywhere it's cooked and perfect

ANYWAY 

If god's will prevails, everyone can appreciate my little story time and hope that we all know each other better now

WITH LOVE, SHAKE ASS, KILL FAST 

💋

FAME

SPRANG BREAAK

 the coldest march weekend turned into the most sexy beach vacation with vibes so random 

It started with best DJs two nights in a row at fave club that led into the most rando afters in the most chicago middle of abandoned something yard the scaries calling me by my instagram that led into two days of casual drinking at home- it really could have been a calm weekend if it weren’t for my attempted kidnapping in front of Aldi just for my neighbor's fire escape to burn down 24 hours later. 

i wrote this weeks ago and i really do think that i summed up my two day spring break quit well. a stay-cation like none other. The way to set the bar terribly, scarily high for the coming months

love life shake ass dont get in the random cars 

love FAME 💋

iPHONE apocalypse

 I want to go back to the week where I was obsessed with iPhone 5s 

All I wanted was for my phone to be small and square again 

It makes me so sad that I have this thing 

Chicago Vibes will Never Die

Im not terribly sure how I've ended up in the situations I have. All I know is that Im not mad about it. And i guess even if I was there would be nothing to do about it considering everything 

NONE OF THAT MADE ANY SENSE BUT I THINK IM EXACTLY RIGHT FOR EVERYTHING I SAID

anyway- life is awesome

I have decided that if everything is awesome i can still scream about genocide when i get mad and think about how sometimes i just want a bomb to drop and the world will be wiped clean and it will be all okay but then i realize i just need to express the brief moments of unclaimed or directed frustration and its all okay. I don't even think i'm a doomsdayist i just think i hate everyone and i think people are fucking stupid.

never to exclude myself from that though
I'm severe up there with all the idiots- i might just be a bit more self aware 

i really need a man to do things for me. 

feminism is dead and Im at my wits end 

It is time for people to go back to being awesome and not thinking before they speak and living life as they please 

Recently Ive been obsessed with saying really fucked up shit more than normal 
By recently i mean in the past 6 months

 ive managed to make it awesome though 

SEE

THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT---- ITS SO AWESOME 

LIFE IS SO EVIL BUT SO AWESOME AND I LOVE BEING ALONG FOR THE RIDE AND TWEAKING TO THE BEATS OF BULLSHIT 

shake ass, tweak fast, and play the fucking game 
with love 
FAME💋

 

HOLY FEELING EXISTENTIAL

 Just saw the cutest fucking thing 

A little boy got off the Metra and as it started leaving the station, he chased after it running.

I'm looking out the window- going to Hinsdale- because my house, my old destination, is gone. Left for a Naperville girl to start her life in. Hopefully, her parents make it up all gorgeous and redone for her just as my family wasn’t able to do. For her to create all the memories in The Old Farm House just as I did. With my grandparents driving me to school every morning and cooking me dinner every night. Or the time the power lines went down in a storm and we weren’t allowed to go in the yard because it was wet and would electrocute us. Now I travel to Hinsdale to see my grandparents 15 years older than my memory prevails, to sit in my mother's childhood home which she has the privilege to revisit in the exact state she left it after every milestone or her move to college at 18. The same house where she celebrated her wedding last July. 

As the train leaves the Berwyn station I look out the window to the young boy chasing the train as it speeds up. He properly kept pace until I saw his destination. Who I presumed to be his grandmother waiting for him knelt down with open arms. What I initially saw as a cute moment of youth turned into the most heart-wrenching image of evanescence 

I was once that kid just as much as one day he will be me. But how tragic is that? The most unavoidable thing that he has yet to learn. Maybe I haven't either but I force myself in moments like this,

IN MY NEXT LIFE I WILL LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM

 

It's things like construction work that really make me want to be a man. I hope one day in the next life I can be a man who works construction- makes so much money off of liability and comes home covered in dirt for my wife who loves me cause I'm awesome and love dirt. My hands will be calloused and hers will be manicured and I'll buy her le labo to wear to her desk job that she doesn’t really need but she has cause it gives her a sense of worth. 

The American dream is off its own head tweaked I can't believe that just came out of my mouth and I didn’t realize the fucked misogynistic things I was saying until now that are so awesome and stereotypical I love life. 

I hope someone out there understands what I'm getting at here. It isn't meant in a hating woman "get your ass back in the kitchen" type of way but more an "i love to provide even if it kills me" toxic(but amazingly beneficial) masculinity kind of way. 

I also hope that this entire post can be recognized as satire even though it is somewhat true and there are many idealic qualities to a basic American life. the life that most people in this country live and tend to never be recognized for the majority they take up. 

WITH LOVE SHAKE ASS AND DIG IN THE DIRT 

FAME💋

 I need to stop going outside I think-