Back in Chicago...

Expressway Interchange, Chicago, IL. Feb 3 2025

So happy to be back in Chicago where the sky is gray and foggy. Where things are so simple yet somehow feel so complicated that the vomiting issue from fall of 2024 comes back. My landlord is missing. Im listening to Life Without Buildings again. I finally got around to hanging up the lantern above my bed again. Feeling peaceful. Today Bennett and I got coffee in the financial district downtown just to complain about how bleak and devoid that area of Chicago feels. I organized my finances and thought about how blessed I am to not be stupidly rich like the people Ive surrounded myself with. I truly am so happy that I get to struggle and learn about money and thankful to love being transparent about it. I feel bad for those whose only concern about money is who is going to invest their inheritance. LOL sorry I really don’t give a fuck yall are boring. 

Thankful for my Cheekbones in 2025

Thankful for the Gun Range 

Thankful for STD Testing 

Thankful for My Mentor still being in Chicago right now 

I found the last paper I wrote for a college class today. Its about Apocalypse and Utopias with an analysis of an essay by Adorno. I might publish it on here for fun since I personally have no memory of writing it. August was weird. I don't remember much of it at all to be so honest. Except for this one moment I was walking to work and got a text that made me want to blow everything up. Maybe that was the cause for my memory loss. Only god will know. Either way, I just read the essay for what feels like the first time and it doesn’t even sound like my voice. I truly didn’t know I could forget things that I created like that. First time for everything I guess. 

Im going to continue cleaning my apartment and think about ways to become more awesome in 2025. 

Stay Beautiful 

FAME 

25 things FAME HURTS cant live without

Happy New Year to Chicago and the rest of the world. I spent the new year in New York in the pouring rain. Shoutout New York I had a more favorable time compared to all the other time I've spent there- but then I got deathly ill so maybe that New York state of mind isn't for me. Now I'm in Berlin and slowly but surely finding my way back into a peaceful mind. I have hope that 2025 will be a good year, Ive got a pretty decent feeling thus far. Practicing gratitude and performing intellegence. 

After the 2025 Ins and Outs I figured now would be the best time to list off 25 things I cant live without 

in no particular order...

1. Bloody Mary Adjacent Drank

2. Nepo Babies 

3. Being Silly on Instagram 

4. Maldon Sea Salt. Eat it straight out of the bag. I keep a box of that shit next to my bed. 

5. Locking In and Killin Em 

6. Wishing I could still Smoke Weed

7. Stomping my feet and throwing my arms down pretending to have a tantrum

8. FOCUS House Music for ADHD: playlists 

9.  Kim Kardashian's BBL. I think about it a lot. I wrote about 4 essays over my final two years of college about the Kim K phenomenon. I think she's perfect. 

10. My Special Sparkle

11. Growling back when the dishwasher makes a noise 

12. Violence 

13.  Bennett. We have been best friends since we was 8 or 9 years old. When we were in fourth grade a girl in our class pretended to kill herself and when the school found out she claimed that we told her to do it. Thats the type of friendship we have I guess. She also taught me how to read out loud around the same time that year. We live together now. Very wholesome shit. I miss her a lot now that Im in Berlin. 

14. The 20 year old ziplock bag of Jolly Ranchers my grandmother carries around with her. 

15. The point in time when I was really into seeing how many times I could punch myself in the face before my nose bled. Also that time a twink from oak park broke my nose(on accident... I'm no bitch). 

16. My ability to stay angry forever

17.  Acting Homophobic 

18.  Black G-Fazos

19.  Eating a Hotdog at a White Sox Game 

20.  Sexting British People 

21. One good keg stand a year 

22. When my lungs make that death rattle sound

23. Having that one sexy hangover every once in a while that makes the world feel like rainbows 

24.  Thirst Trapping for God 

25. Gratitude