Pheremonic Weekend for FAME

THE PHEROMONES THAT CHANGED MY SELF IMAGE: Am I more or less confident? Only god knows…

Friday morning, I wake up with bloody guts… 

This is a part of life that traumatized me so hard as a child, leaving me googling tube tying procedures at the ripe of age of 12. 

I have come to terms with this function, though I will never be like one of those bitches that love getting a period cause it means they’re not preg. I would rather live in fear of pregnancy than have a period ever. 

And don’t tell me to go on birth control, I am not one for altering the natural state of my hormones. 

“Get a copper IUD” 

Ur funny. If a doctor got within 10 feet of me wit an IUD with the intent to insert it in me,, someones getting bit by a 19 year old girl. 

ANYWAY

A brief moment of grief waves over me and my now inconvenienced weekend. 

I go about my day, buy a nice box of German tampons and mourn the chemical warfare that my vagina spent so many years fighting against American chemical filled barely FDA approved tampons.

Over the course of the weekend, I have experienced the male harassment of a lifetime. In all the years I have lived in Chicago, I have never been cat called more than in the 72 hours that I was bleeding in Berlin

It's important to note that when I got here I did not experience an OUNCE of harassment from literally anyone at all, I was genuinely blown. Either I was ugly and the Berliners weren’t into it, or cat calling is just not that much of a thing here. Or I was lucky. 

The potency of the harassment meant one thing, Pheromones. 

After the absolute face fuck that was the past weekend I decide to play inspector and read a bunch of biology academic journals on the topic, to figure out if there was a reason for my weekend to go the way that it did. 

The foundation for human olfactory senses are built on the relationship between child and mother from birth, to adolescents when the portfolio of personal smells grows as the child is steadily surrounded by more people. The base of a subject preference is built off of the pheromones their mother releases- in utero through amniotic fluid( curated by genetics as well as the diet of the mother), and the diet during breast feeding. (“Olfaction scaffolds the developing human from neonate to adolescent and beyond”-Benoist Schaal 1, Tamsin K Saxton 2, Hélène Loos 3 4, Robert Soussignan 1, Karine Durand)

Pheromones do not hold a sensible odor but instead a chemical that is released through saliva and sweat that is sensed by receptors in the nasal cavity. 

In the Japanese Journal of Physiology, “ Human Olfactory Contrast Changes during the Menstrual Cycle” by the Department of Biophysical Engineering at Osaka University, several studies were conducted to understand how olfactory perception is affected by the HUMAN menstrual cycle.

While many studies around hormonal olfactory sensation has been reported based off the studies of Rats, it is hard to necessarily find solidified answer for humans. As bodily situation greatly effects results. 

These studies were done on women ages 19-32, none of which were taking oral contraceptives. 

This article comes to the conclusion that Olfactory sensitivity changes through the menstrual cycle. During ovulation senses may be heightened but during or after menstruation, they may become more dull. 

In the cases of a male musk, this leads researchers to believe that during ovulation, subjects may be attracted to the sent, but once menstruation has come into full swing, the scent may be repulsive. 

***

I can not care to properly cite these at the end so you're getting it all now

To pair, Behavioral Ecology textbook, Vol 15 collaborates with Department of Biological and Environmental Science, University of Jyva ̈skyla ̈, Finland, Department of Mental Health and Alcohol Research, National Public Health Institute, Helsinki, Finland, cDepartment of Mathematics and Statistics, University of Jyva ̈skyla and Department of Biology, University of California, Riverside, California, USA.

“Attractiveness of women’s body odors over the menstrual cycle: the role of oral contraceptives and receiver sex”

-Breaking down the assumption that men cannot sense female ovulation as human woman lack the ability to present ovulation status as an evolutionary adaption, here they proposed that human males may have counter-adapted(***out of horniness).

Aside from pheromones, surveys have been done regarding the smell omitting from the vagina created by discharge during ovulation and during the menstrual cycle. The male participants claim that during ovulation the vagina is virtually odorless or the scent is not severe, but during the menstrual cycle it is much stronger. 

A similar study was done after extracting follicular and luteal phase odors from an array of women ovulating, and those menstruating. The men favored the ovulation smells, but this left the question of how this evolutionary adaption works outside of a controlled study where the male is given many options at once. 

“In our study, male raters preferred odors of women whose menstrual cycles were near ovulatory phase. This finding indicates that men can use olfactory cues to detect the reproductive status of women. Female raters showed a trend for this relationship, suggesting that women may also have the ability to detect the reproductive status of other women”

***

Okay this was very interesting but… 

Does this mean my ovulating smell is not sexy but my Menstrual smell is?

I am the odd duck of menstruating people? 

Maybe…

-They later note that time of ovulation is specific to the individual and there is no true generalized time in the menstrual cycle that it can occur-

***Okay but there is no way I ovulate while I’m bleeding… that defeats the whole point. 

Maybe this just means I have an especially yummy smelling period. To anyone that has fucked me on my period… Was I sexier then? 

 

***(IM NOT A SCIENTIST I JUST KNOW HOW TO READ)

Ive accumulated a list of all the incidents that I felt noteworthy. 

-60 year old man buys me a beer

At Alexanderplatz, I tell him I don’t speak German, and put my headphones back in and ignore. He walks away. Not even 5 minutes later he comes back with a beer.

“I bought this for you” 

“No thank you, Im okay”

“No I bought it for you take it” he says while shoving the beer in my face

Excuse me sir. What the fuck was I supposed to do? If I took the free beer (which would have slayed) I would have had to talk to him and sit there

After 5 minutes of back and fourth no thank yous he finally walks away and drinks the beer by himself while staring at me from across the plaza. 

-Pantsing Threat 

Not sure if this one was a form of sexual harassment or just strangeeee Mfers

But I was enjoying my walk down Karl Marx Strasse, staring at myself in my phone making tiktoks because I have no room to care about how stupid I probably look. 

And a man yells in my face and motions that he is going to pull down my pants… but he doesn’t. I almost wish he did that would have been way more interesting. Like why talk about something if you can do it. 

-The Tripping Attempt 

Also not sure if this one is considered harassment or just public bullying but while turning a corner on the street, a man and all almost run into each other, but I saw him before he saw me- being THE NICE HOSPITABLE PERSON I AM- moved out of HIS way. As we actually pass each other, he sticks out his foot to trip me…

 ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THAT IS A FUCKING JOKE

I look back at him in complete disbelief, he meets me gaze, I say “you’re a cunt, fuck off stupid faggot”  making sure that it was loud enough for him to hear me. He quickly turns away and walks faster. 

NO WAY 

A fully grown man just tried to trip me on the street. 

After I moved out of HIS way

Im sorry but that fagot should have moved out of MY way. 

Chivalry is dead and gone six feet under…

He looked like that fruitcake Dwight from walking dead that killed the hyper nervous nurse girl 

Such a fucking crime… 

 

-Man in About Blank needs a shoulder to lean on

In the club, dancing(duh), a man about 6 foot 5 inch dancing(waddling back and fourth) next to me, every 5 seconds of so he looks over at me. So I look back and smile a little to be polite( in at why the fuck do you keep looking at me) way.

He grabs my ears and says 

“Can I put my hand on your shoulder”

“WHY”

He puts his hand on my shoulder anyway

I pull away while laughing cause WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK like bro you got a soli foot on me what kind of support is my shoulder bringing you. At least he asked. But I guess that doesn’t matter when he does it anyway…

“Its not a sexual thing Promise”

“K but why”

Puts his hand back on my shoulder…

Can someone please tell me is this is a type of raver camaraderie, community, nice friendly thing that I just don’t know about… I have a hard time believing that it is but its my only hope. 

WELL god damn, the men of Berlin could instinctively  smell my fertility and wanted to inpregnate me I guess. whether they knew it or not. 

Im curious how this function may adapt if the interest in procreating decreases as steadily as it has been with millennials and Get Z coming to child bearing age.

In my ideal future-topia, men will lose this skill and women ability to sense another woman’s menstrual status will increase. 

With the declining interest in procreation, I hope one day menstruating people can evolve to be able to turn off their ovulation without the hormone deficiency , allowing them to pause their fertility without facing the symptoms of menopause. 

I hope this was interesting for someone- I had fun 

Shake Ass, Bleed Fast, Ovulate Last

FAME💋

FAME hits ITALY

Oh blog how Ive missed you...

All I think about is this shit I have to say on here. Everything I do, I think about the random Mfers that read this shit and get so antsy to scream at y'all.

Y’all are my Rory Gilmore and I am Lorelai scribbling incoherent notes to show you later.

back in Berlin. 

Italy was Gorg of course. But strange. 

Low-key call me a Venice hater. 

Actually I take that back. 

VENICE lover. 

Tourist hater. 

I forget how much being around middle aged white American tourists from the midwest is absolutely infuriating. There is truly nothing more infuriating than flying across the Atlantic, to escape the midwest, just to run into a bunch of Mfer with a northern Wisconsin accent wearing a Packers jersey.

 

Im sorry to any cheese heads I may have offended with that comment, Im half one of you, but the chicago half is more powerful and allows me to be mean to y’all.

Its the rules 

I went to Venice for the 59th Biennale art exhibition, it was wonderful, but underwhelming- she’ll get her own post. Im here to talk about Venice 

The Italians- some nice, some HATERS.

“Where are you from”

“Chicago”

“Ahhhh, Chicago. Bang! Bang!”

 

If I hear that shit one more time….

The aperol spritz. Delicious, Cheap, goes wonderful with a cigarette and a pizza

A PIZZA THAT COMES WITHOUT CHEESE 

Who would have thought that after years of taking shit from the Chicagoans about eating pizza without cheese. I would go to the country that respectfully owns pizza, and be able to order that shit without having the embarrassing conversation.

Don’t you dare think im lactose intolerant... I could never. ..

That is embarrassing. 

IDGAF about if you can’t drink milk, I actively choose to not ingest it, because it is gross. 

Why would I drink the milk of cows? I can barely think about the fact that cheese is literally moldy milk. Sorry.

The word Lactose is also just fucking disgusting. 

I would rather be caught dead than have “Lactose” on my name. 

Simply

To any of my lactose intolerant readers, please stop telling people your lactose intolerant...

 I don’t want to hear about

 “ I'll get the shits if I eat ice cream” Or “ OMG I want pizza but I don't want the shits😭” 

I do not want to know about the state of your asshole

Okay I don’t like this topic--- 

Before my arrival in the most tourist infested city, I was told “wear a lot of sunscreen the Venice sun is different” 

I am personally a face sun screen only bitch. 

Why would I spend my valuable time covering my entire body in a white cast with the smell of a 6 year old at the county pool?

this was a grave error...

I decided to spend my last day at Lido Beach. It was serving Tybee Island, GA minus the swamp and kitschy shops selling anything that can fit the words “Venice” on it. 

Disappointing that europeans aren’t the biggest fans for trashy tourist shops.

I know it's part of the American perspective's appeal to Europe, but its something I really value in my enjoyment of a place. 

Though the Water Bus made up for it in dopamine release 

All I had to do was turn off the part of my brain that absolutely hates boats and constantly thinks they are going to sink. ( I was obsessed with the titanic -- NOT THE MOVIE-- at too young of an age)

I think this hate comes from a mix of being drowned as a child resulting in my refusal to properly learn how to swim and remember the skills, as well as my HATE for unwarranted water. Why would I get wet if I don’t want to. 

Once I got over the 'very small boat lots of people-water splashing my arm from the side' issue I enjoyed the view when it wasn’t filtered with a black cloud of exhaust from the boat. Starting to realize why everyone is so concerned for Venice. That shit is so full of smog, also glad I didn’t eat any seafood while I was there I guess… 

The Italians love saucony, it was cray seeing so many damn originals on the Mfers feet. 

They were honestly styling them so funny with the most boring straight leg standard wash jeans and ill fitted t shirts. But it was kind of awesome. 

After spending 3 hours on the beach, I broke out in hives. 

Decided it was my time.

I found myself at a cafe drinking aperol spritz with french fries that looked and tasted exactly like mcdonalds french fries...

How they managed that is beyond me, considering I was literally on an island

But I will never complain about such a delicious surprise. 

After my euphoric drunken snack in the shade, I found my way back on the water bus where my hive inducing sun burn kicked in leaving me in a pain I had yet to ever feel.

I hid in the Venice train station for a while before deciding to get on the train to Treviso..

I was so excited to enjoy my 30 minutes Italian countryside train ride. Until fifteen 8 year olds and their aggravated parents decided to get on and sit right next to me. 

The kids screaming at their parents to play games on their phones, I wanted to kick. 

Both the parents, and their children. 

While im at it might as well kick the phones too.

I get off the train in Treviso, I'm met with the most GORG non tourist filled ITALIAN town. 

Electronic cigarette vending machines crowded by 16 year olds wearing north face puffer, fishnets, and vans old skools even though it was 75 degrees.. 

\kind of drained,.. 

Mad teenagers walking around staring at themselves in their phones.

ideal, homely, welcoming, relatable, are a few words I would use to describe how seeing stupid teenager girls do what I do, made me feel... dreamy

smelling more drain. 

I got poke and ate in the park while talking or rather screaming out loud to myself while others laid in quiet. 

During me myself and I mukbang, I made the remarkable statement, "where there are sexy normal people, there is drainers" I'm not too sure if I agree with this just yet, but it did come out of my mouth, so it must mean something somehow.

I walked in circles to find a ticket to the airport bus. apparently it was in the bar inside of the train station because that makes so much sense. 

Actually fuck Italy for the WEIRD forms of transit ticket sales that they subject their to their public.

Once I get to the airport, It is 3 hours before my fight even boards (because I am terminally early to everything I do) I go in and get through security in 5 minutes. 

I am left sitting on the floor next to the other 300 people huddled around the 1 charging station. -

-absolute shit fuck bitch nightmare-

An old Italian lady trips on my foot and falls onto me, she is very nice and funny so its okay I laugh along with her while I make sure she is okay. 

She starts charging her phone, she shows me her phone, pointing at the wifi symbol, trying to connect, she's asking for help. " No English" she says 

I connect her phone, It asks for her email to confirm, she doesn't have an email. 

But also doesn't know what im saying... 

She keeps grunting and shrugging her shoulders at me in confusion...

 Bae... How do you have a phone without an email. Isn't that like the basis for everything?

Beats me.

I bought DUTY FREE Limoncello and pink ultra thin rolling papers. 

We know Sophie likes all types of ultra thin.

ANYWAY

RYAN AIR can suck my dick delaying my flight 2 hours. 

Once back in Berlin the s45 did its own number traumatizing me but I simply can't re live the emotions I felt in that moment after getting the worst sunburn, breaking out in hives, being on and off tipsy all day, and then 4 hours in a 1 room airport with more people than my colleges student population.

All this being said, Venice was wonderful, Italy is slayed, I should have tried the pasta, I heard its good

With love, Shake Ass, drink FAST

FAME💋

In the Club

It was a night of Italian men. 

It starts off with a man who only speaks Italian asking me for directions to the Berlin TV Tower. But he is speaking Italian and asking me if I am Italian. He asks for a cigarette. Time for Fame to Lie. 

After giving him directions he decides they are not useful to him. he is going to walk.

 to AlexanderPlatz. 

Okay. 👄

He bares his farewell by grabbing us by the hand and giving us a slobbery kiss on each cheek. I love Coronavirus. 

I am later rated by a group of German men ages ranging between 19 and what could be 60. 

They decided to position my friend and I in front of them at a table. On 3 they hold up cardboard scraps with the number 10 scribbled on them. 

Just got rated by a bunch of men.

In front of my own damn eyes. 

Only issue- they only had 10s… I asked what. Happens if they’re ugly. “Then we flip and they get a zero” they tell me. 

The biggest of their group decides to stand up in a mean attempt to assert some sort of dominance. But he can barely stand up as he’s pinned between the bench and the table. He starts yelling about being a football player. He is 6 foot something and wide as a 5 year old is long. 

There is no way this man plays Football… HIs arms are too big to play a foot sport. 

Turns out this motherfucker plays AMERICAN football. 

UR kidding 

CUT the cameras

NO way I’ve found myself linking an American football player in Berlin. 

He starts begging me to go to his game… 

BITCH....

just because I’m from America doesn’t mean I know anything about football… 

Honestly bold as fuck for him to assume anything about me

He gets angry that I don’t know anything- saying “you’re from chicago, the Bears, the NFL.,., how do you not know what positions there is” 

Bitch…

Before I can tell him to fuck off about a sport that caused the boys of my high-school to call me a school shooter- 

he’s holding my drivers license. 

Hmmm

interesting. 

How did This Happen

The German drunks are absolutely blown. That a 16 year old Fame,.,

1. Looked like that 

2. was allowed to drive 

3. couldn’t legally drink

Meanwhile this charismatic meathead’s GIRLFRIEND is sitting there just blankly staring up at me. How this man has a girlfriend… beyond me. She them proceeds to tell me that I look 25. 

I’ll Kill Myself. 

SAY IT AGAIN FAGGOTS 

The people of this country are gonna have me getting botox at 19.

We bare our fair wells to the drunks and leave them to rate the general public of Mitte. 

Making our way to the most painful 2 hours in line with a Random Austrian Man.

As 4 queer people, sitting in line at a reopening from covid club, talking about abortion and the sitcom that is American politics... 

This OLD Austrian man decides he needs to be educated. 

How I have found myself in a foreign country just for the people to be way too interested in the reasons why I left the USA.... why me. 

Go find an SJW transplant Berliner from the lower east side

A pair of sexy Italian men stand behind him. They steadily make strange eye contact with me. Specifically the one with the septum piercing. maybe the Italians care about American women reproductive rights too. 

Once we get to the door, Austrian man is (-thank fucking god-) turned away.

 

 I descend into 3 hours with girls that are so doe eyed deer in headlights amazed that they got in. I cannot believe I have found myself in this situation. 

I find myself being rude of accident. Nothing I can do about it now.I said what I said

We find the Italian men again- tried to go outside to smoke, we find our way to the door- the sun is out…

Excuse me?

No 

We get a solid- 2 feet out the door.. We aren’t allowed to leave. 

They tell us to smoke inside- Ive been smoking inside but what if I want to smoke outside? Haters? 

Club full of cages? They don’t let you leave? Ill kill myself? 

As clouted as this club was- I was underwhelmed.. granted I only heard 2 Djs… As I did not get in until 03:30 am 

Maybe I try again.. I do love to be deprived of all my senses. To forget that you’re even standing… makes me wet.

 Let alone forgetting that you’re completely surrounded by people. 

The club is the best alone time I will ever get. CANNOT BELIEBE that just came out of my mouth

But... Blink 2 times if you agree;)

The most traumatizing bit of all, getting back to Neukölln at 07:46… on a Sunday…. 

I walk in circles trying to find a single piece of food. 

Nothing but McDonalds breakfast… 

FAME DOES NOT EAT MCDONALDS BREAKFAST.

I tap around the menu for too long just to realize that it is not worth it to buy 2 hashbrowns for 4 Euros.  A crime to European hashbrown lovers everywhere 

I go home and fall asleep with a quinoa rice cake 

GoodMorning FAMe 💋

SHAKE Ass, Drive FAST, SMOKE Grass 

Leaving Chicago

 

FAME is dearly departing from the land of the systematic terrorism. 

Leaving has taught me to trust no one. I already didn't but y'all gave me even more reason to send myself off. 

whatever... crazy bitches in this city can hop off my dick and let me be crazy

FAME feels as though it is valid to be crazy and let myself get into bullshit even if I know I shouldn't. I am 19... like cmon. Is that not the time to be absolutely fucking stupid? to roll in the mud and let that shit get in my eyes ear nose and mouth. to hell with it ill let myself get an airborne disease while im at it. 

Im a simple girl. I do what I want, and nothing else. It doesn't matter if something is good or bad for me, If I want to do it I will. I could care less.

When it comes to manipulative men.

 I do not care if one man manipulates me, because that means I am his person to manipulate. But only 1 man at any given time. I can only be the victim to one loser at a time. 

I manipulate plenty of the men in my life.. Some of them have been around for 5+ years. They love me. I care about them, but not like how they care about me. And that's okay. They don't know they're being manipulated, they blindly follow and adore. 

At least when my limit of 1 man manipulates me, I know he's doing it. Its okay. If I lived by the feminism/ pro cis female mantra of "FUCK MEN WHO MANIPULATE THEY ARE PIECES OF SHIT" I would be a fucking hypocrite. 

If male manipulators get cancelled then we should cancel most sexy famous women. 

HELLO Kim K was not KIM K until she met Kanye. She was just another reality star- She manipulated the FUCK out of the shit that man brought her around and now she has the fattest ass, the coolest clothes, and everyone on the planet thinking about her and her life. 

I view the people I am involved with as people not men. So it's just a person in my life manipulating me. It really doesn't bother me. Maybe that makes me a stupid bitch but I kinda like it. 

AS sick and twisted as it is, I feel hot, sexy, empowered by the interactions I have with the men I manipulate. So I bet the 1 person that manipulates me feels the same. If me playing along with his bullshit makes me hot so be it. It's not that deep. 

I was born in 2003... Ive only got 19 years down, why the fuck would I worry about things like this now

The possession of it is kinda hot tbh. I like the power that they can hold over me by having the type of manipulative relationship we do. Cause I know that no matter how much power they feel they have, I have more. 

More reason why I don't suck dick. If I won't touch your dick that means my pussy is the only that can get you to cum. 

If there was a list of the powers I hold over my partners vs the ones they over me.... we already know whose list would be longer. 

 my being a product of misogyny is definitely to blame for this mindset. At least Im self aware.

If anyone of you fucks try to tell me anything or refute this- I bite. respectfully, keep it to yourself.

Ill probably heal and get over this one day, but at the moment, and for the time being, this is how I feel. And if you can't own the shit you feel when you feel it what is the point of being able to change your mind and grow. 

FAME💋

Imitation is the biggest form of flattery...

This phrase has been thrown in my face my entire fucking life. people have steadying been jacking my shit. One day ill name drop yall and post a real cute instagram photo with it. today is not that day. learn to think of your own shit, thank you❤️❤️❤️

sick and fucking tired of Mfers seeing the reactions I get from my work and wanting that attention so just recycling my shit to their own medium to use the shock value the material holds. im sorry but kys

Nurtured by Love

Horse found on work-away host page... farm in Hawaii I believe 

Creativity Muscle 

Disclaimer at the end, its your own purgative which one you read first. 

The creativity muscle needs to be trained and taught. Just as you learn the ability to walk, run, play the piano- it functions as muscle memory.  It takes active effort to nurture and train these abilities in yourself 

In Dr. Suzuki’s book- “Nurtured by Love” he dissects the reoccurring question of being a prodigy. Whether or not talent is natural gift or learned. He believes, that talent is not naturally occurring but instead a learned and developed skill. At birth and in our early stages of consciousness, we are neuro-plastic. This malleability is the base and beginning of idenetity.

 

An inhuman example of this plasticity can be seen in fighting dogs-

You are in an animal shelter. There are rows of dogs in small kennels and each one has their own ID tag. Some say “young and playful, good with kids”. At the end of this long string of caged and depressed dogs, there is a pit-bull. Its tag may say something similar to “aggressive, interact with caution” 

When that dog was born, it was not violent, angry, unpredictable. It was forced into an environment in which its genetic features (such as a lockable jaw) were utilized for its own survival. 

Although that dog is no longer in such environment- its brain has rewired itself for the violent behavior that it relies on for survival in a fighting ring. The dogs fight or flight muscle memory has been trained to react violently- trauma response as fuck. 

In the case of creativity and talent it works the same. Replace a traumatic experience leading to a trauma response- with training and energy leading to fluency in a skill. 

While training toward a skill a teacher may say it takes a random number of hours to master xyz. While this is a way to incentivize students to put in time and effort toward their craft, it is an unattainable standard. To look at skill development as finite leads the trainee obliviously toward self-restriction. 

There is no such thing as mastery. You can be really great at something, and the world can give you a title of the best, but there is infinitely more room to develop your skill. 

This is where creativity comes to play. YoYo Ma can memorize every written piece of music for the cello from all of time if he so pleases. But that memorization is only a fraction of what “mastery” could look like. To view your skill as something that can be conquered closes you off to the possibility of what your own brain can offer. With this mindset you are merely turning yourself into a vessel for something or someone else creation.

If you have trained your own creativity, you are an endless creator. There will never come a time in your living existence where you stop thinking. So to manipulate that power and to feed and nurture your ability to create and think beyond the currently existing is the ultimate power. 

Dr Suzukis theory of learned talent is the basis for training creative thought. Just as you could use this theory to train in classical violin, you can train yourself to use your brain to benefit your own creative ability. Training creativity means allowing humiliation, critique, and failure. 

While classically training as a cellist I found theories such as Dr. Suzuki's to be insanely rewarding. In a competitive, hyper accelerated environment where comparison to your peers was the only inspiring factor. Embarrassment through public analogy as a stimulant to be a better musician, tragically works well. I found comfort in Suzuki's book. The irony of this situation can be found in the fact of this school- that survives off of a tough love way of teaching- was practicing Suzuki's method of violin mastery. This would be sorrily mistaken for a criticism of the Suzuki Method. It is the basis in which he proved his theories of learned talent. To negatively critique the method that destroyed my fears of public performance and independent study, would simply be a crime. If anything, this would be a critique of the wonderfully typical old religious white women whom we looked up to as our teachers. 

DISCLAIMER__

Though this may seem like a work hard, play hard pseudo inspirational drawl… It is not. Its simply a personal manifesto type ‘how I think about the things I want to work toward”. With this mindset I’m open and allowed to do whatever the fuck I please. Im allowed to fuck up and pick & choose where my priority and efforts land. So maybe Im just a self obsessed cunt who thinks my 19 year old brain is ‘oh so enlightened’ to think that sharing shit like this has any sort of value. That’s okay too. Maybe I’ll read this in a year and rip it off of the internet and leave it to die. Or maybe it will be a reminder to get my shit done and get on track with my goals. Who knows.. not me.

with LOVE 

SHAKE ASS 

FAME💋