TAILGATES

 FRAT BOYS DIDN'T HATE CRIME ME AND FOR THAT IM PISSED 

The weekend started with a 4 hour drive to Grand Rapids Michigan as a pit stop before the haul to Ann Arbor for the Golden Arches of that big yellow M. 

The drive itself, went quickly- stopping in the middle of nowhere to eat a subway 6 inch that made me feel so so . redacted

Took some ass out selfies in the gas station parking lot in front of mad hicks- hope they enjoyed the show<3 (selfies that landed me some redacted redacted conversation)

After a million giggly rest-stop interludes we made it to GR to 

GO TO THE BARS

First bar, took my ID-thats okay- ill just throw myself off the 4 foot gangway

after a quick finesse of the wristband from the mfers who racked my only valid form of ID, went to the bar next door with a photo of my old ID- within minutes I went from a citizen of IL to a citizen of IOWA and miraculously back to a girl from the other land of corn again-IL . 

They didn't take the photo of my ID- but they didn't Not take it either. 

We're sitting, sipping tequila soda and thinking about how violent the 2 hour drive to Ann Arbor is about to be.

The plan is to leave in 20 minutes until everyone who was raised in the Grand Rapids metro area shows up the bar- we are not allowed to leave- even some of the Chicago faggots pulled up. 

It feels like a homecoming football game tailgate except there's no football and everyone graduated college 4 years ago with a 9-5 job salary type career- though the amount of booming testosterone remains the same

No hate to the testosterone heavy Mfers in the bars of Michigan- but its just a moment that cant always be replicated and they managed to pull it off without a hitch

The real confusion hits when the DJ starts playing Summertime Sadness . I am having a very difficult time placing if I'm in the right or wrong place- either way, I'm here- nothing to do about it now

getting progressively more inebriated and start punching rude frat types in the spine

Don't get ahead of yourself- They deserved it, and no Im not normally violent- or maybe I am- to be honest its not your business 

anyway, they deserved it. Any man that lacks the spacial awareness to just simply not slam their body into very short women at the bar deserve whatever they get 

Once the punching turned into verbal fights with equally underage boys at the bar it was time to drive to Ann Arbor

2 hours of 2010 Pop 100s and going the speed limit for the first time ever. Stopping at rest stops with stickers for sex workers providing service without pay with help call lines... Buttfuck Michigan- literally I guess - wow okay time to change topic

Once arriving in Ann Arbor, first stop liquor store:

Pickles 

Fifth of Titos 

2 Breezes (sexy Michigan brand vape) 

and a good attitude 

were purchased for the low price of I don't know- I stayed in the car

Once we get to bestie house, bestie is faded as can be, the drive and sex worker stickers were quit sobering. Time to catch up

5 shots of Titos later we are all on the same page and its time to pass out 

As the sun rises on to the living room couch I am folded in half on, I hear birds chirping louder than they should be. I look up and bestie #2 is RUNNING down the stairs screaming "Good morning! Time for shots!" 

I look to my right, the front door to this college house is wide open and Bestie #2 old college buddie is walking in. 

My hair is vertical, magically floating in a halo above my skull, my mascara is inside my nose and my contacts are stuck to my corneas 

A confused "hello my name is, how are you" is exchanged between the two of us.

- important to note the confusion was mutual 

Before I can remember who-what-where-when-why I am, Im being fitted into University of Michigan gear. A tube top covered in blue and gold floral- to make sure everyone knows that not only do I love to play up a bit, but my boobs LOVE UofM. 

another 20 minutes of mumbling and having the other girls in the house look at me really confused why I am so excited to see the fratty men, I smear some glitter on my face and grab a luke warm Corona. 

Standing in the yard, watching the boys play pong and listening to drake- so perfect.

 truly the picture of the American college experience I was looking for. 

We mobilize and travel to other tailgates- walking through campus and watching besties run into their friends and drunkly pass the questions 

"going to the game?" 

"whose tailgate are you going to?" 

"scorekeepers later?"

they ask each other the string of repeated prompts without expecting a response but instead for the questioned to be asked back to them. It is an interesting display of drunk-ness while having access to a town full of people all with the same goal. to become inebriated and enjoy pretending they love school sports more than they do or dialing their obsession down as to not seem unwell. 

Once we arrived at another tailgate I walk into a structurally pretty house- and see nothing but dirt and alcohol - This is the shit I live for

After meeting someone's bunny(pet not playboy), having a few too many meaningless conversations about chicago and art school- Im taking shots with slightly attractive men- and they're actually my age. 

One of the major takeaways from this trip- linking people that are actually my age and not 23+

Loved it- but also hate? no. love..

After a scary trip to a hair covered bathroom, I sit on the porch to watch men exert their testosteronal strength over their friends by doing push ups on the gravel driveway while they kick each others hands. Then they start yelling to their girlfriends that its time to "go to the big house"

I watch as they all travel in small bubbles toward the monster that is the largest stadium in the US

Now is the part of the day where we nap, eat, continue drinking, and chill before the nightly activities. Personally- My main goal going into this weekend- get into some shit at the frat- wether that is fucking or fighting a frat boy I do not care- I just need the full well rounded Big State School Experience 

Once night fell and it was time to start getting faded again, I put on a bra as a shirt and reapply my eye glitter to make sure they all know Im slut. 

We are on our way to Sigma Nu- Im ready to get a body part grabbed, a drink spiked, a slur yelled, and maybe even a conversation with a real life brother. We walk up 4 your girls deep, with 3 men who haven't written a college essay in 5 years. We all know how getting in went- girls in, guys out. 

We knew this was going to happen, it was really just worth asking in case frat god was with us on an off chance. 

Knowing that this was a standard among all frats- but something about seeing a 19-20 year man shorter than me with an arm as a big as my head say "girls only" while  RESPECTIVELY making EYE CONTACT with us. 

I wanted them to tell me that me and my and fucked up mullet and raunchy piercings weren't hot or straight enough to get in... this did not happen- kms

We go in- and it really does look like a movie set- the music is accurate to that as well. But the people is where there is a deficit. 

got a free natty light and a shot that weighed less than a marshmallow(including the off brand solo cup it was served in) but somehow tasted worse than anything Ive ever put in my body- I say this as if I was expecting them to serve me 1942.

danced for 5 minutes getting pushed around by girls in fashion nova matching sets and hair extensions that are probably made of trimmed barbie. The ratio of frat bro to girl was like nothing I had ever seen. My being there made me part of these statistics- seemed dirty. As if by being a part of this function was like signing away my rights to everything

It felt as though I was part of a breeding experiment. Watching frat brothers navigate the crowd by just slipping between girls grinding back and fourth chatting shit about other girls between hoop earrings and fake tan. It was very unclear what the destination was for the brothers. Maybe there wasn't one- it seemed as though their job for the party was to pace back and fourth through this great hall of the teen sweat just to keep tabs on the fact that they managed to accumulate a crowd of girls to feed alcohol to and get progressively drunker through the night. 

Now as cynical as I may sound- don't it get twisted, 

I was obsessed. 

This is exactly what I was looking for- except one thing; 

it was fucking boring 

maybe it is because it was earlier in the night, it was just getting started and it would've gotten crazier throughout the night- it could be true

But either way- I was very disappointed with my experience\

As fucked as it is- and its not acceptable in this economy of liberal cunt sucking fruitcakes, I wish that I had a bad experience- I wanted so badly to experience frats for what they are known for. Im lucky to say that I didn't- for my own social and mental sake, But god damn 

Am I too queer coded for the frat boys? am I too ugly faced for them? I just really wish I could have come out of my time at Sigma Nu-University of Michigan chapter with a more meaningful and telling experience. 

But don't worry bloggers- ill be back- Thinking about going to University of Wisconsin- Madison 

those cheese heads know how to tweak 

After the frat we sorted to the bar where I waited in a line that reminded me a lot of the type of shit in the corny yuppie clubs on Hubbard 

Slightly creepy bouncers who will pretend to be cool AF but really want to go the fuck home 

Once getting into the bar with someone else's ID that looks nothing like me- 

I am immediately faced with floors that look ripped off the news of the hurricane Ian relief. There are pitchers reminiscent of my summer camp mess hall strung across every surface of the bar- 

With wood paneled walls and TVs everywhere, there is not a square foot of free room to stand between all 3 floors of the bar. Tiered like a wedding cake about to fall over in a cartoon, this bar is a Movie 

we get a round of shots and tequila red bulls-so perfect- for 6 people the total is 30... think about that 6 shots 6 drinks... CHEAPER THAN ANYTHING EVER 

Now I understand why mfers ❤️ normal college

When it came down to going to the bathroom WE were faced with a line longer than that to get in. We decide to use the mens- we walk in to a room lined with urinals each being used by men that all look the same. We find the one stall in the entire bathroom and close it door that only covers from mid thigh to sternum. Before the stall door is even locked, and 3 girls are packed into the most sewage covered bathroom ive seen in years some due bro yells 

"yo there's chicks in here" in the most doe duh doe doe voice in the world and runs to the stall reaches his head over and yells get the fuck out of here are you sickos or something- he did not say sickos but for the sake of everyone I will censor myself 

We tell him we have a bladder infection- he doesn't give a fuck, he rips open the door, and escorts us out, don't get confused. the man did not work there just a humble college bro that loves to keep what is gendered, just that. 

through the rest of the time at the bar, I guess we may have passed such dude bro a few times as I would hear "nice bladder" yelled in our direction. I dont remeber what he looked like, not because I was drunk but because 

He looked like every other bitch 

it was so perfect. I hope we were memorable to him. He deserves an award for his performance to be completely honest. he defended his bathroom so well I almost want to start using the correct bathrooms more since him. maybe he was right. 

honestly- fuck me for even thinking that it was at all okay or normal to use the INCORRECT bathroom. god forbid the two existing genders get too close to each other in such a disgusting setting, especially before marriage. or even worse after marriage. 

That is really the only relevant things I have to say about my time in Ann Arbor. there were so many things that happened that weekend that either cant go online for the next 10 years or are so irrelevant that to include would be a crime. 

Shake ASS, fuck a brother, Visit Michigan 

With love and respect 

FAME💋

A Dead Best Friend's Face

 thinking about that time a waitress told me I looked like her dead childhood best friend but I cant remember the face of the waitress nor who I was with and where when this happened. all I know is that I gave the girl a fright when she turned to serve a table and suddenly she is looking at a face from years ago. possibly one that is thought of often, or maybe one that is locked away and left for moments in solum.

now that I am thinking about it I am not positive the best friend is dead or not, but that does not matter. It should be known that regardless of the status of this best friend the young version of her in which I resemble so deeply, no longer exists. whether or not her current status is alive or dead- the teenage girl she used to be is dead. just as much as 12-17 year old me is dead in that restaurant. 

 As Ive written this over the past 2 or 3 minutes, I have remembered when and where this happened. 

It was the waitress that frequently served myself from ages 12-17. At the taco shack a block from my childhood home- my favorite after-school activity- to get a large horchata and large fries. I would sit at the front window table, eat the free chips and salsa and listen to the outrageous newscasts drawling on for what seemed like forever. My character placement as an almost daily patron of this restaurant seized to exist when I left home. Coming back 2 years older with different hair and a roommate who never got to know the person I was to the staff just as much as they were to me. I would never expect them to remember let alone recognize me after years of body modification and hormonal evolution, but I recognize them. For all the people this newer/older version of myself could strike a reflection in but the waitress' childhood best friend. For her, someone who is not stationary to her life, as she no longer sees that version of her best friend she saw in me. But in my experience- she is the same for me. In my view of this restaurant and my place in the plot of their story- they have remained frozen in time. The inside of the restaurant will change, as the decor gets replaced for the more modern, more minimalist trend- the people remain the same. Though they age- they have not transformed. For in the 2 years of my absence- I was peaking to a level of evolution. Maybe they weren't- or if they were, it was not unrecognizable to me. This is a selfish point of view. Or maybe it is not and I just love to make a small moment bigger than it is. But is there not beauty in my doing so?

To be honest none of it matters at all to anyone- barely even matters to myself. There is simply something so special about a homecoming that goes unseen. The ability to see home, to return to the plot line of your beginning but to be seen as a new character. 

to make a paragraphs worth of ruckus of this small interaction after only 2 years, I wonder if my documenting of this moment will rip it of it s value in 10 years- Will I care about this restaurant, if even less, this moment then? 

A pass time of mine while back on the set of my adolescence, where I played the character of who I thought I needed to be while being closetedly weird in a small town. With my new visual paired with an updated outlook., I walk around-as I see old friends in passing, I make sure to acknowledge their staring. I have found that the stares I received back then were nothing compared to the stares modern me would be to undertake. 

Now, with the memories of everything that happened between the years of 12-17, I recognize them all. Every face, every rude comment, and every gossip- the faces are burned in- I spent 3 years of high school memorizing the faces I could see in school, and life. Those may never go away- though sometimes I wish they did

anyway- I will forever stare back- while I receive confused stares like "I know them no I don't yes I do no I don't" running through their mind as I blank face stare right back. 

there is something I find so powerful with this in recognition matched with ambiguity. I am not the me they used to stare at but I am a new version that may be even more worth the stare. 

FAME in the Mother Land

I went to Athens for 2 days to stay with someone I knew nothing about 

It all started when I matched with an E girl on Tinder cause her bio said “Athens Fashion School”

Why is this girl in Berlin?

I was desperate for people to go to this one club because it had just reopened and I needed to see it. 

I match with E girl, She says she in Berlin for a concert and to go clubbing.

Perfff- she’s my girl- were going out and were getting faded-

Just what I am looking for, a down ass bitch

Go clubbing with them, get home at 7 am 

Go out with them again a few days later, meet some American millennials from the south. Too damn funny. 

They go back to Greece. 

The E girl texts me, to come to Athens 

Interesting that she has no friends to rave with but whatever. .. Never pass up a free place to stay

I book the flight 

2 weeks later I’m on my way to Athens 

I get there and am immediately smoking mad cigarettes outside the artisanal sock shop where she works. I giggle. Love a funny girl that works a funny job.

We go to her home where I am greeted by her grandma who does not speak any English but is so damn cute rubbing my arm to say hello. 

We eat spaghetti with red meat sauce. Reminds me of what my grandmother makes. I take a nap, mid nap- I wake up to E girl bringing me a homemade chocolate covered ice cream cone that they buy from the neighborhood sweet shop. 

Like I’m sorry whaaa how fucking cute… 

We go to city center for beers. Meet up with friends GF(situationship)—(update , sep 6 they are still together and very much in love- for those wondering). 

Fits and hair reminded me of myself a year ago. Jorts down to her ankle. So awesome. Fat Skate sneakers. Drainer t shirt. So awesome. All I can think about is how badly these cunts need to see chicago…

SO happy to know that drainers are everywhere. Strange though, cause they are quite hard to find in Berlin. This city(Berlin) really is its own bubble. Drainers don’t exist like they do in Chicago. That is drainer capital. ANYWAY

Were drinking 7% beers and walking between ancient ruins and McDonalds… paints the perfect picture of how the world interacts with its own history. 

I really cant play the bit of “OMG THE ANCIENT GREEKS WOULD BE SO OFFENDED AND DISTRAUGHT IF THEY SAW THIS” S.J.W stance… 

The ancient greeks were all for development of society and its functioning. They would probably shake ass at McDonalds. Until they threw up from the severe amounts of grease that their poor ancient stomaches have never seen. 

TBH I think the ancient greeks would have fucked with my American ass. I was lit as fuck in Greece. Though the greeks I was linking LOVED to make fun of the bullshit slang I used cause nothing made sense. 

SO fair of them. Although they were speaking the most formal and proper English I’ve heard in actual years….. these cunts almost sounded British as hell.

They even said that it’s hard for them to show their personality when they speak English opposed to their native language. Sad for them, I guess also sad for me since I am only understanding a fraction of their personalities. 

This is so very much a thing but Ive found that germans do not deal with this issue nearly as severely as other non native English speakers in the EU. But, that seems like a problem for the respective countries education systems and I simply not qualified to speak on the matter. 

I say I’m not qualified to speak on something as If this entire blog is me pulling bullshit out of my ass to boost my ego but WHATEVERRRRR

I am now revisiting this post since the last time I touched it on June 5th- it is September AF now- Im back in chicago and living life like the slut that I am. 

I wanted to write about my conversation with the grandmother I was staying with- Her family is from a neighboring island of where my family is from. Her family played a major role in the rebuilding of the island after a series of fires and earthquake. Disasters that my Papou felt and watched from his island as a teenager living with his family. I guess that is a cute summary of all that I would like to say on the matter now. 

SMALL ASS WORLD 

One day, I will write a piece on the history of my crazy Papou and the shit he’s got himself into in his life. Not that a soul gives a fuck about my family history but I feel it paints a nice image of why I am like this . 

FOURTH OF JULY

CELEBRATING AMERICAN TRADITION LIKE THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED:

 A HOW TO- BY FAME💋

The weekend started off with white claws at Montrose beach. A humble day that ended with LSD rooftop pool and pizza(sounds like a birthday party for a 5th grader at the Latin School). Spent the night asleep on the couch watching stranger things. like I said, humbled. 

The next day begins with a wake up and brunch- I will never complain about an over priced breakfast, I simply cannot bear to serve myself food before 6 pm. 

keeps me fed. 

After brunch comes the Fourth of July weekend of any middle-American teenagers dreams. 

Lake House in central Michigan

We stop at arguably the smallest gas station in the entire state of Indiana 5 minutes outside of Gary (Which says a lot considering Indiana LOVES a kitschy gas station). 

We drive 2 hours through corn until we reach a town with...

population: lake house

boats: abundant

trump flags: raised 

underage drinking: in a basement 

golf carts: crashing 

In a town with a BP gas station and dollar general without a single house that didn't touch water, it is safe to assume not a soul resides here when the UV isn't at 6(lowest)

we arrive at the house- 

White Claws: cracked before we can even take our shoes off. 

Before I can finish the first claw and hit a Michigan brand vape I am being buckled into a life vest and put on the back of a jet ski...

It is vital to note- this is the teen movie summer dream of FAME from 6 years ago. I was never brought to a central Michigan lake house, never been on a jet ski, actively avoided boats from the age of nothing to 17... drowned as a child and doesn't like swimming in large bodies of water for longer that 30 seconds. 

I spent my summer vacations hiking on mountains, and off roads in farming vehicles- not on boats

ANYWAY '

 I have barely been able fathom the fact of where I am let alone decide what character Im going to play for the weekend, but Im on a jet ski, so exposed to such large body of water- I am going 35 mph holding onto bestie for dear life. 

bestie is crazy- bestie also grew up in Michigan 

we are lapping circles to create waves and hop them. the jet ski which was once parallel to the water is now tilted a full 90 degrees. I am side-ways, convinced that if I end up in this water, separate from bestie or jetski, I will be dead. No ifs, ands, buts, about it- I will be gone. 

As I am writing this 3 days out- I am still feeling every muscle in my body screaming. If this is what old people feel like Im not lasting that long. 

Once I am off the jet ski and properly motion sick I am playing beer die. Why anyone would think putting a freshly shaken fake 21-19 year old into a game of aim mixed with hand eye coordination... and have the audacity to think it was going to work...

As the White Claws kept flowing, the sun set and white girl ran dry... all through the house every creature was stirring... and slurring. 

The next day became much more sober as the hang overs would not allow much more than sip of water next to a single McDonalds chicken nugget. We take the boat out to the sand bar where we lay on the boat, sit in the sun and hit the vape until the trump flags flying are blurred by the cloud of flavored air. 

Something so picturesque about a middle America summer, yet so tainted by the people who are simultaneously enjoying the same moment. I guess that's celebrating independence. 

There is a lot more I could say about the things that happened this Fourth of July in Chicago. But I cant bear to be angry or heart felt in this blog post where I talk about such light hearted and more than all, privileged things I got to do this weekend. 

Mitch MccOldFuck can suck my dick and he knows what he's done. It is not my job nor place to spread awareness for gun control in this country on my stupid blog- If y'all want political advice or opinions go somewhere else. 

The weekend ended with eating 3 packs of gas station pickles while driving through Gary Indiana for the second time. 

TBH a W 

I am just now coming back to this blog post 2 months later on September 2nd. It has been a long time since this trip to Michigan and it's fair to say that FAME is in a different moment.

She's more of a slut now, back then she was falling back into living Chicago. Now Chicago has settled, traumatized her all over again, and she's back to kicking bullshit around. 

Though I would like to get back into the value in a Typical American Dream Summer Vacation. Something so dreamy about middle-of-nowhere-Hicksville-beer-drinking that is just so pivotal to a summer. Maybe I'm a midwestern girl and I love the trashy shit that this region has to offer- but you gotta shake what your momma gave you when you live in the kind-of landlocked armpit of the US. 

WONDERING- We have Lake Michigan, so does that reap chicago of its so-called LandLocked title given by mfers from the coasts? We have water, its just not an ocean... leave your thoughts in the comments that I don't know how to use. 

Considering this post is from 2 months ago and Im currently supposed to be taking notes on Vietnamese history, Im going to call this post officially OVER

with Love, shake ASS, and go to SCHOOL,

FAME💋

BETHANY IS BACK

IT IS GOING TO BE A BETHANY MOTA FALL 

While summer is not yet over, the fall is creeping in one way after another- the back-to-school season has us all reflecting on what we will make of our fresh start at a new year. 

The resurgence in teens watching shows like The Vampire Diaries(which is being removed from Netflix on September 3rd), Teen Wolf, 10 Things I Hate About You- due to the trend cycle leading us back to Y2K. 

Since 2017, we watched trends in fashion, film, social media, and a general attitude of self display progress at an exponentially faster rate. Reflecting 20 years into the past, With the beginning of the 2020s' we watched Y2K fashion, media, pop culture figures, take the internet by the throat and whip it back and fourth until we couldn't breathe. 

In the past 8 months the early 2010s "indie sleaze" has started to peak through the underground music, fashion scene and by June it had been fully consumed by mainstream media. 

At this point, what the fuckkk does mainstream media even mean?-  at least from my pocket of the internet it(indie sleaze) feels mainstream. like every cunt on my feed is adopting this trend, or does is it only feel this way because I am part of that group? so for the sake of this post, I will be using mainstream as it means in context to my personal internet consumption.

 With this oh-so valuable time of reflection approaching, I think we need to pay homage to the grounding figures in our post 9-11 world childhoods. To vow to never forget them as Y2K falls to Normies

Im thinking Elena Gilbert, in low-waisted boot cut jeans with a fitted henley top-Think Abercrombie, Hollister, Shirtless men with abs that you could stand on. Lorelei Gilmore holding a coffee and wearing a scarf-glove set as a way of staying warm as if that makes any functional sense for a 40 degree Connecticut October.

Though these archetypes REEK of y2k-late nineties music influence they will forever be founding fathers to our development. 

Of course this is nicher than hell and not everyone was watching these shows but simply if you get it you get it and you're real if you do. not sorry

Currently, we find ourselves in an estranged push and pull between Y2K and indie sleaze as the year 2000's trends become more mainstream while indie sleaze remains reserved as a niche(alt) trend. -though when referring to niche/mainstream, it includes millions of teens and early 20's across the world. It is important to recognize that niche no longer exists in an environment where a single tiktok can bring someone from a rich girl from Connecticut to Charli D'amelio. 

While we are in this strange limbo, it is important to acknowledge it, and ride through it. 

Which means, the Tyler Oakley, Bethany Mota Aeropostale collection, glitterforever17 of it all is VALID again. We are taking a moment to heal, and with healing comes over accessorizing ( something both the 00's and 10's pulled off without a hitch) 

We are going to decorate our homes, bedrooms, desks, key rings with festive glam.

If you're a gaudy out-there type cunt, go to home goods and max the credit card.

 If you're a minimalist faggot that only wears 3 colors and decorates with 2, draw a ghost on something or buy an orange hat- Do something... 

2022 is just simply not the year to stop caring about participating in the change of season.

We have monkey pox on our hands - enjoy the shit while we can

its time to fuck off and put glitter on something(everything) like your life depends on it

After 2 years of traumatizing the fuck out of ourselves, we deserve the perfect throwback of what led us to where we are today. 

If you're reading this, you clicked a link in my instagram bio, if you're on my instagram, you either understand my references and why everything I say is valid, or you're a random that reads this shit to make a lousy pickup line in my DMs. 

Going with the former, you know how vital Bethany meta and the season themed bedroom was to our youth. If you are not matching a throw pillow to the bath and body works candle on your night stand you did it wrong. 

At this point we all deserve a little cinnamon scented bullshit to trick our monkey brains into producing a little more serotonin. 

Personally I think fall themed things are gaudy as fuck and simply not my taste- Im not sure I can say I will participate in any of the things I just said, but I liked the way it sounded and I think it would be So cute for everyone else to do. With that being said- y'all know I will fuck up Christmas- getting a real tree this year type-

With Love, Shake Ass, Stay Hypocritical 

FAME💋

L.earning to Love Yourself

 Egos these days 

Im not psychologist but Mfers have the fattest most cunt sucking egos these days.

Simply, please learn to keep that shit to yourself like the rest of us.

Move in silence babe 

*** Ive been wearing the same contacts for days- don’t ask me how many, I don’t know*** 

Fame has so many codes to life that keep her so intelligent and best of all absolutely incomprehensibly mental( not yet sure if the crazy is public perception or self identified)***both***

But If I were to go around spilling that shit yalll would be strutting the same shit- 

That’s a lie y’all could never

"would I ever lie to you"

"________"

When the general affiliated of chicago Learn to pretend to be humble… Hell will crack open out of the basement of the sears tower and we will all trickle in one by one doing an intake appointment with Dr Amen on our way down

Be who you are 

Shake ass like there’s no last night 

If we all pretend- we would be able to create the most ideal, dripping wet world 

With love 

Stay hypocritical 

FAME

back in CHI

if there is one thing being gone has taught me. its my love for chicago vibe

this city is simply real as fuck. everything about the way the people act, talk, treat each other, yell in public, get angry about literally nothing. it so perfect. 

this city has a vomit inducing balance of publicly intoxicated DePaul students, corrupt lawyers, and yuppies going from yacht to wrigleyville bar, all paying too much for a mediocre dinner in Lincoln park. but the difference between chicago and New York... where in nyc all of those groups would hate, avoid each other, and almost rarely mingle- in Chicago they are all part of the same tax bracket. they have no choice but to interact. they all go to the cubs game and storm down clark street in a drunken haze. 

As much as I loved my hiatus from this scary, shot filled city, I need the unfiltered crazy of its people. I live for the most "chicago" things in life. beyond a hot dog or a soupy piece of pizza- I need people getting out of cars at red lights to twerk for the oncoming traffic, I need blunts hot boxing the CTA cars, 

One thing I would cut off a toe to change would be the legal drinking age- Why the FUck could I spend the past 3 months drinking without a single ID check, for cheap... but the second I come back to America its a crime... uhhhh what the actual fuck. I was liberated just to lose it all after a 10 hour flight out of Zurich. 

Okay im done with this blog post its making me sad.. maybe I just post it anyway for shits and giggles. Its so damn short call this shit an instagram caption.

my brain is fat and sexy and im right af for this

 

FAME loses the Love of Her Life

That is such a lie I am about to tell a story about a man that LOVED asking me about myself... how'd he know that was my favorite topic.

I really put my post incriminating information on this blog as if it isn’t literally in my instagram bio. 

Im an honest girl what can I say?

Yesterday I met the most sweet and gorgeous dutch man at the bar…. in the moment he was giving mid.. like I simply did not give a fuck but the flirt was enjoyable. As I left I fully thought that I had gotten his number or given him mine… 

This was not the case. Instead I had not given him any information beside the fact that im from chicago…

I also don’t even know this mans real name cause it was something dutch and unable to pronounce with my stupid American accent so we nicknamed him itchy… 

He was low-key giving ick in the moment, but I simply loved the attention and the way that he was asking my friend for her blessing when I went to the bathroom like holy what the fuck consent. 

because he loved asking so many questions, we somehow ended up on the topic of my student debt and how poverty. He then proceeded to ask me in full confidence((with an awareness of how ignorant he was) I love a self aware man)) 

If I was "TRAILER PARK" 

not if I lived in one, but if I was trailer park- using that shit as an. Adjective- and he thought his English was bad...

I then explained to him that if there were trailer parks in chicago we would die. so instead poor people are just left to die on the street so no one in liable... 

****it really is quiet interesting hearing the perception of America from different people from different parts of the world. which obviously its not good but its fucking hilarious hearing the different nuanced things that people have picked up from the media. 

My ass  had dried blood coming out of my nose. and he was still dtf... 

get you man…

But life goes on, and if im lucky ill see him again. 

All there is left to do is appreciate the confidence boosting that comes with being so highly perceived for hours on end. 

So if anyone out there knows a dutch man with a name that sounds kind of like itchy who was in Berlin on Tuesday June 7th… Send him my way.

And if you are him. Hi bae 

I bowed down to a straight man yesterday…. Like I actually can’t believe 

Don’t get it twisted this was not my dutch boy… fully just a straight man for doing the bare minimum… the audacity of me…

this is a quick post.. I would loooove to go into the rest of the night but im not into self exposure to that severe of a degree. My non existent image simply cant handle it.

With LOVE, shake ASS, find a dutch man at the bar

FAME

Pheremonic Weekend for FAME

THE PHEROMONES THAT CHANGED MY SELF IMAGE: Am I more or less confident? Only god knows…

Friday morning, I wake up with bloody guts… 

This is a part of life that traumatized me so hard as a child, leaving me googling tube tying procedures at the ripe of age of 12. 

I have come to terms with this function, though I will never be like one of those bitches that love getting a period cause it means they’re not preg. I would rather live in fear of pregnancy than have a period ever. 

And don’t tell me to go on birth control, I am not one for altering the natural state of my hormones. 

“Get a copper IUD” 

Ur funny. If a doctor got within 10 feet of me wit an IUD with the intent to insert it in me,, someones getting bit by a 19 year old girl. 

ANYWAY

A brief moment of grief waves over me and my now inconvenienced weekend. 

I go about my day, buy a nice box of German tampons and mourn the chemical warfare that my vagina spent so many years fighting against American chemical filled barely FDA approved tampons.

Over the course of the weekend, I have experienced the male harassment of a lifetime. In all the years I have lived in Chicago, I have never been cat called more than in the 72 hours that I was bleeding in Berlin

It's important to note that when I got here I did not experience an OUNCE of harassment from literally anyone at all, I was genuinely blown. Either I was ugly and the Berliners weren’t into it, or cat calling is just not that much of a thing here. Or I was lucky. 

The potency of the harassment meant one thing, Pheromones. 

After the absolute face fuck that was the past weekend I decide to play inspector and read a bunch of biology academic journals on the topic, to figure out if there was a reason for my weekend to go the way that it did. 

The foundation for human olfactory senses are built on the relationship between child and mother from birth, to adolescents when the portfolio of personal smells grows as the child is steadily surrounded by more people. The base of a subject preference is built off of the pheromones their mother releases- in utero through amniotic fluid( curated by genetics as well as the diet of the mother), and the diet during breast feeding. (“Olfaction scaffolds the developing human from neonate to adolescent and beyond”-Benoist Schaal 1, Tamsin K Saxton 2, Hélène Loos 3 4, Robert Soussignan 1, Karine Durand)

Pheromones do not hold a sensible odor but instead a chemical that is released through saliva and sweat that is sensed by receptors in the nasal cavity. 

In the Japanese Journal of Physiology, “ Human Olfactory Contrast Changes during the Menstrual Cycle” by the Department of Biophysical Engineering at Osaka University, several studies were conducted to understand how olfactory perception is affected by the HUMAN menstrual cycle.

While many studies around hormonal olfactory sensation has been reported based off the studies of Rats, it is hard to necessarily find solidified answer for humans. As bodily situation greatly effects results. 

These studies were done on women ages 19-32, none of which were taking oral contraceptives. 

This article comes to the conclusion that Olfactory sensitivity changes through the menstrual cycle. During ovulation senses may be heightened but during or after menstruation, they may become more dull. 

In the cases of a male musk, this leads researchers to believe that during ovulation, subjects may be attracted to the sent, but once menstruation has come into full swing, the scent may be repulsive. 

***

I can not care to properly cite these at the end so you're getting it all now

To pair, Behavioral Ecology textbook, Vol 15 collaborates with Department of Biological and Environmental Science, University of Jyva ̈skyla ̈, Finland, Department of Mental Health and Alcohol Research, National Public Health Institute, Helsinki, Finland, cDepartment of Mathematics and Statistics, University of Jyva ̈skyla and Department of Biology, University of California, Riverside, California, USA.

“Attractiveness of women’s body odors over the menstrual cycle: the role of oral contraceptives and receiver sex”

-Breaking down the assumption that men cannot sense female ovulation as human woman lack the ability to present ovulation status as an evolutionary adaption, here they proposed that human males may have counter-adapted(***out of horniness).

Aside from pheromones, surveys have been done regarding the smell omitting from the vagina created by discharge during ovulation and during the menstrual cycle. The male participants claim that during ovulation the vagina is virtually odorless or the scent is not severe, but during the menstrual cycle it is much stronger. 

A similar study was done after extracting follicular and luteal phase odors from an array of women ovulating, and those menstruating. The men favored the ovulation smells, but this left the question of how this evolutionary adaption works outside of a controlled study where the male is given many options at once. 

“In our study, male raters preferred odors of women whose menstrual cycles were near ovulatory phase. This finding indicates that men can use olfactory cues to detect the reproductive status of women. Female raters showed a trend for this relationship, suggesting that women may also have the ability to detect the reproductive status of other women”

***

Okay this was very interesting but… 

Does this mean my ovulating smell is not sexy but my Menstrual smell is?

I am the odd duck of menstruating people? 

Maybe…

-They later note that time of ovulation is specific to the individual and there is no true generalized time in the menstrual cycle that it can occur-

***Okay but there is no way I ovulate while I’m bleeding… that defeats the whole point. 

Maybe this just means I have an especially yummy smelling period. To anyone that has fucked me on my period… Was I sexier then? 

 

***(IM NOT A SCIENTIST I JUST KNOW HOW TO READ)

Ive accumulated a list of all the incidents that I felt noteworthy. 

-60 year old man buys me a beer

At Alexanderplatz, I tell him I don’t speak German, and put my headphones back in and ignore. He walks away. Not even 5 minutes later he comes back with a beer.

“I bought this for you” 

“No thank you, Im okay”

“No I bought it for you take it” he says while shoving the beer in my face

Excuse me sir. What the fuck was I supposed to do? If I took the free beer (which would have slayed) I would have had to talk to him and sit there

After 5 minutes of back and fourth no thank yous he finally walks away and drinks the beer by himself while staring at me from across the plaza. 

-Pantsing Threat 

Not sure if this one was a form of sexual harassment or just strangeeee Mfers

But I was enjoying my walk down Karl Marx Strasse, staring at myself in my phone making tiktoks because I have no room to care about how stupid I probably look. 

And a man yells in my face and motions that he is going to pull down my pants… but he doesn’t. I almost wish he did that would have been way more interesting. Like why talk about something if you can do it. 

-The Tripping Attempt 

Also not sure if this one is considered harassment or just public bullying but while turning a corner on the street, a man and all almost run into each other, but I saw him before he saw me- being THE NICE HOSPITABLE PERSON I AM- moved out of HIS way. As we actually pass each other, he sticks out his foot to trip me…

 ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THAT IS A FUCKING JOKE

I look back at him in complete disbelief, he meets me gaze, I say “you’re a cunt, fuck off stupid faggot”  making sure that it was loud enough for him to hear me. He quickly turns away and walks faster. 

NO WAY 

A fully grown man just tried to trip me on the street. 

After I moved out of HIS way

Im sorry but that fagot should have moved out of MY way. 

Chivalry is dead and gone six feet under…

He looked like that fruitcake Dwight from walking dead that killed the hyper nervous nurse girl 

Such a fucking crime… 

 

-Man in About Blank needs a shoulder to lean on

In the club, dancing(duh), a man about 6 foot 5 inch dancing(waddling back and fourth) next to me, every 5 seconds of so he looks over at me. So I look back and smile a little to be polite( in at why the fuck do you keep looking at me) way.

He grabs my ears and says 

“Can I put my hand on your shoulder”

“WHY”

He puts his hand on my shoulder anyway

I pull away while laughing cause WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK like bro you got a soli foot on me what kind of support is my shoulder bringing you. At least he asked. But I guess that doesn’t matter when he does it anyway…

“Its not a sexual thing Promise”

“K but why”

Puts his hand back on my shoulder…

Can someone please tell me is this is a type of raver camaraderie, community, nice friendly thing that I just don’t know about… I have a hard time believing that it is but its my only hope. 

WELL god damn, the men of Berlin could instinctively  smell my fertility and wanted to inpregnate me I guess. whether they knew it or not. 

Im curious how this function may adapt if the interest in procreating decreases as steadily as it has been with millennials and Get Z coming to child bearing age.

In my ideal future-topia, men will lose this skill and women ability to sense another woman’s menstrual status will increase. 

With the declining interest in procreation, I hope one day menstruating people can evolve to be able to turn off their ovulation without the hormone deficiency , allowing them to pause their fertility without facing the symptoms of menopause. 

I hope this was interesting for someone- I had fun 

Shake Ass, Bleed Fast, Ovulate Last

FAME💋