The American Dream is Me

I went to the Mountains to Meet God, Touch Guns, and Win Scratch-offs: The Midwestern Girls Dream

It truly is a blessing being able to rock through the Midwest in such a wholesome way. Making stops at tourist traps to eat a cardiologist's nightmare breakfast just to stop at the gas station to buy lottery tickets and keep going. There is nothing I love more than the Midwest... sorry. 

Actually, I'm not sorry because I have spent too much time with cunts from New England who try to play this supremacy game. Respectfully yall are just a bunch of pilgrims in Brandy Melville. 

I have come to understand this trip to the mountain as the midwestern girl's equivalent to being sent to the sea to become normal again. I don't need to swim in cold Atlantic waves but I do need to climb pre-historic boulders and shoot antique shotguns. It is noon and I have spoken a total of 25 words- all regarding my ability to pick up a 40 lb lithium battery and solid steal road grater. NONE of that gay shit that I usually talk about. Don't worry though, I'm still wearing a free people top... I mean- take the yuppie out of the city. At least I stay a realist. 

It has been a long and scary minute since the last time I wrote for this blog. I spent the past 5 months so happy but so traumatized by life, yet all in ways that would simply be inappropriate to write about in the blog. This is so annoying because I used to thrive by doxing myself and others but now it's less cute so I've humbled myself. I never promise because I find myself too self-aware to do so but I hope to begin writing regularly again- whether that be to stir the pot or to feed my ego of thinking anyone gives a fuck about what I have to say. 
 I am writing this from the top of a mountain that until today had no access to cell data let alone wifi. If I ever have enough social pull to be sponsored by a brand... I will sell and say anything Verizon ever asks. Thanks to them I am now able to be lit and mysterious on top of a remote mountain while still talking shit online and texting all my baes. 

I can happily announce that I have yet to be called a lesbian in a dairy queen this time around (growing out my 2021 dyke haircut has done me so well). 

Instead of homophobia- this year I was met with two 60-year-old bikers at a gas station who were apparently checking me out in front of my grandmother who clocked the whole thing. She confronts them "You better watch out looking at her like that she is my granddaughter". They respond that the reason they were so into me is that I LOOK LIKE I COULD BE THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER TOO... these fools wanna fuck the granddaughters they don't even have... 

Honestly shoutout to them for the transparency but holy shit Wyoming gets more tapped every year. And shoutout to my grandma for confronting men everywhere always. 

I'm not sure I have much else to say regarding this trip without doxing myself and others. I would love to yap as I once did in 2022 but I feel that growth is necessary to my social well-being. One of these days I'll go back to vaguely exposing everyone again. 

I hope everyone is having the most lit midwestern summer and if you're on any of America’s coasts then I guess you too

I will have more to say once I fly out of Billings Montana- to follow I will be in Kansas City to truly live the Midwestern dream to the fullest. 

With Love, Stay Awesome 

FAME 

Chicago is #Over CANCEL ME

There is a lot to be said about the institution which I pay an seemingly illegal amount of tuition to attend. The one thing I could have never imagined has fucking happened and I'm not sure if I'm meant to react or literally shut the fuck up and be normal. 

All I'm gonna say: 

If I am going to receive calls from the administration of this school about my work being illegal and getting flagged for self harm(I use blades to cut open dead animals not myself but ight)- having screaming arguments with the cunts making all the money at this school... I would at least expect them to stick to their word. If your mad I am doing taxidermy? Thats awesome- Good thing I don't do anything related to it on campus. You’re mad I represent the school by being a student with an online presence? Great that I remove all association with the institution online and keep my legal name off the internet. 

But here we are... with the student body who want me soo bad. these cunts... started a taxidermy club. 

if someone told me 3 years ago while I was getting called Jeffery Dahmer that these cunts would start a club to do the shit they compared me to a rapist for doing... I would have peed my pants. I still might.

Y'all are actually unreal and I appreciate all the time and work that has gone into reminding me that everything is cooked and the world will never stop being absurd as shit. 

With Hate, Stay Cooked, and please for the love of god open your eyes 

FAME 

Back to Berlin

 Hi 

I hope this finds everyone well as we enter the new year and stay on top of our shit for a few weeks. 

I have taken the stay lit approach to the new year. My resolutions consist of continuing to be sexy.

I would like to share my new years ins and outs from last year and compare to my current 

2023 

Storage 

Spending 1 hour at the club 

Skinny Jeans 

Good Boots 

NO WEED SMOKING (CBD-LOUD)

Camping 

Florida 

Bears(chicago and wild)

Business Casual 

DJ Career 

MMA FIGHTING participant and watching

Beautiful Smells 

Cinematic Experience 

Northern Lights 

Wyoming 

Hicks 

Traffic Cameras 

Doing the Splits 

Car - truck - that 1978 Honda 

The moon- to go to it to stare at it- to live inside of it 

Palm trees- in the Spanish moss way not the Ventura county way 

2024

Professional Bull Riding 

2 hats at once 

Leggings 

Getting Lip Filler Dissolved after 1 month

Charli D'amelio Goes Miley Bangerz

Chocolate and Pistachios 

Giving Away all your money to those who need it more 

NO PRADA 

We still drink PBR

Investing into the community 

Desire the Apocalypse more that ever 

Preventative Botox anywhere But the Face 

Hype Beasts in the esoteric way

Furries publicly accepted

Sex 

Canned Vegetables x Fresh Fruit

Mad Respect 

Toes Out 

Staring at the Sky in hopes to see Aliens 

Chicago is going to Blow Up 💋 #apocalypse

A BLOG POST ACROSS TIME 

May 7th 2023

 I am leaving again to go back to Berlin just as I did a little bit over a year ago. It is a strange feeling to be leaving again.

At this point in time all I can think about is the bullshit that needs to be done in the next week. But it's okay because I am going to be awesome. 

It is my final week in Chicago 

Apocalypse 

I don't know how to spell apocalypse 

I hope I never learn

The last 4 months have been an absolute ?

Im not terribly sure what happened. I wish I had more to say about life but it feels too intrusive to those who live it with me. 

My hair is freshly blonde again and I am ready to tweak 

It's been over a year since I started this blog. The Fame that started this blog was 18 years old and very opinionated and angry. It seems as though i have grown to filter my 20 year old self just a bit more for the sake of myself and the people around me 

June 11th 2023

Im in Berlin now, its been a few weeks- revisiting this blurb is quite funny. Life was so absolutely painful but filled with a lot of joy- moreover joy, but instead a tender admiration for the people around me. 

Though I try to be less cynical:

I have since thought a lot about the apocalypse- How are we meant to cope while facing of the end of our world? How is an environmental transition cathartic to our vices in pre apocalyptic life? It is easy to fold oneself in the collapse of our livelihood, our futures. If we are constantly on the edge of the cliff in almost all regards, can that waiting become its own apocalypse? The time we spend patient for this unfulfilled decimation becomes the very detriment of the crash we may never see. It is very easy to conceptualize the pain of apocalypse itself, to obsess over zombie movies and fictional horror of world ending disaster. To put ourselves in a post-apocalyptic wasteland is much easier than conceptualizing it in our tangibility. Regardless of its content being fictional, it is a constant reflection of the state of things. All content (weather or not it is intended for consumption by the masses) is a direct mirror to the way that things settle at the point of its conception. 

I am in my own apocalypse. 

Is it possible that I created it for myself? For-sure. 

On Purpose? Completely.

There is value to the pain apocalypse brings just as there is within utopia- if fear of catastrophe is a dread of pain or abandonment, I would recommend doing as I. Create your own apocalypse, let everything crumble beneath you. For the sake of growth and understanding, it is only vital.

Not until I read Trisha Low's "Socialist Realism" did I consider dreaming of utopias. The pessimist in me only allowed to see the cessation within agony. How Low depicts utopia with a feeling of a could be hope-fullness; it is the unattainable ideal of Eden. "Honestly? Theres no art that makes me feel more than a steel trap approximating some vision of heaven". (1)

She later writes of queer nihilistic poets after spending time with them at a MLA Panel: "Perhaps the queer nihilists are right, and non reproduction has become the only ethical response to the condition of our world. Perhaps freedom could only become a reality then- the moment the world ends, when the structures all fall away. I think about how tender it would be if there were just some worldwide agreement for humans to stop having babies. An Agreement for our species to die out, slowly. Just a gentle apocalypse." (2)

There is utopia to be found in apocalypse. 

I would like to believe that the we are in apocalypse just as we are in the movies, it just doesn't look like a brain eating virus from mushrooms or Rick Grimes beheading walkers. We are in apocalypse in the sense that things are just as secure as we are allowed to see. 

Within apocalypse, there is freedom lost and granted. Though it is vital to critique freedom as it is understood in the context of Adorno, who inspires my understanding of will within culture incarnate.

"Freedom as they know it.—People have so manipulated the concept of

freedom that it finally boils down to the right of the stronger and

richer to take from the weaker and poorer whatever they still have.

Attempts to change this are seen as shameful intrusions into the realm

of the very individuality that by the logic of that freedom has dissolved

into an administered void. But the objective spirit of language

knows better. German and English reserve the word ‘free’ for things

and services which cost nothing. Aside from a critique of political

economy, this bears witness to the unfreedom posited in the exchange

relationship itself; there is no freedom as long as everything has its

price, and in reified society things exempted from the price mechanism

exist only as pitiful rudiments. On closer inspection they too are

usually found to have their price, and to be handouts with commodities

or at least with domination: parks make prisons more endurable

to those not in them. For people with a free, spontaneous, serene

and nonchalant temper, however, for those who derive freedom as a

privilege from unfreedom, language holds ready an apposite name: that of impudence."(3)

(1,2) TRISHA LOW, Socialist Realism © Coffee House Press 2019

(3) Theodor Adorno Messages in a Bottle © Suhrkamp Verlag, Frankfurt am Main 1980

Translated by Edmund Jephcott 

with Love, Stay Awesome and go fuck up your life 

FAME 💋

Confused Radicals, Starbucks Refresher, and Domestic Terrorism- FAME ❤️ BERLIN

HI BLOG I LOVE YOU 

Im back in Berlin and really want everything to blow up 

For example: I was on the U8 a few weeks ago- as we pull into a station we see two men in black bloc fighting, yelling- everyone on the platform runs out like shrapnel in any direction away from them. AWESOME 

The train stops- the doors open and everyone on the train starts attempting to keep the men from entering the train- One of them makes it on fighting through the door. everyone starts covering their faces and running away from him as he sprays gasoline all over the train. 

Sorry what. 

Maybe I like Chicago 

At least they don’t try to blow up the blue line. (regardless of the fact the trains just combust on their own without 3rd party involvement)  

Needless to say we got off of the train. 

Yesterday I was on the M2 and its somewhat packed, nothing bad Ive seen worse and Im only going a few stops. I see this fruity emo vibed teenager with his jeans tucked into his mid calf combat boot. Not until he sits down do I see the bright red ladder lacing he has added onto his already hideous vibe. 

Of course there are nazis everywhere just as there are capitalists and gay people. 

Some like to be secretive and others not. Sue me if Im wrong but it seems that of all places to be open about nazism my immediate thought wouldn’t be Berlin. But I guess it almost makes a lot more sense.

 He wore a black hoodie with “no love for a nation” an ANTIFA slogan. Okay, make this one make sense. Im begging, cunt- what? As we approach the final stop of the tram service- he rips rogue paper out of his backpack- which was entirely filled with notebooks and loose paper- I hope he has back problems. Once grabbing hold of a surprisingly not crumpled chunk of paper, he begins folding it into small triangles to scribble in German all over it. Im curious, is this kid just really fucking confused or does he loves contradiction. 

Now Im all for being outwardly edgy on public transit. I get it- shit is fun. But for the love of god- calm down. Rip that shit out of your head take the laces off and use them to get into a healthy form of pleasure like choking. 

All I want is a McDonalds chicken biscuit… 

Im a simple girl with simple needs and it really shouldn’t be that hard to god forbid branch off from the cancerous womb of America but I just cant. Every time I leave I find a new level of love for the US and all that it can bring. I am obsessed with truck stops too much to be in a city like this with no car. But there is nothing to do about that now, except for whine- so I guess Ill shut the fuck up and be patient for when I can go back to America and tweak with the corn. 

There is truly just something special about an entire area of the country where their main food source is Dairy Queen hamburgers. A tragedy of the American economy but especially fascinating from an experimental prospective. Its like the Stanford prison experiment except they are under the impression they have free will.  

I guess I should be more inclined to write about germans and this country while I’m here but Berlin makes that a bit difficult. They are embarrassed to be germans here. It is not like the rest of the country where they are so absolutely prideful of their nation. Fair to say that it is similar in the US as well. The farther from metropolis you get, the more they love the country that charges them unproportionally high taxes locking them into poverty. 

Don’t get me wrong I love being able to drink legally and hand bouncers my real ID- but there is something tragically significant about a field of corn. I love tornados and sodas the size of my head. 

I passed a Starbucks at an Ubahn station the other day. It was so fucked hot I needed a refresher before I started hitting people.

Not only did they not have refreshers in stock- the ice tea was 6 EURO. 

For a venti fair enough that's sexy. I give in, until I receive my order and it is the size of an American small.

 IM SORRY CAN THE AMERICAN COMPANIES NOT KEEP THEIR DISGUSTINGLY LARGE PORTION SIZES. 

I thought we loved imperialism here, like keep it running. It is one of my favorite things about American fast food. You can feed 4 Germans off of one American's McDonalds meal. That is so beautiful don’t you think? 

Im currently sitting in a park in Prenzlauerberg. Attempting to pull together SOMETHING to post for the blog, cause I miss y’all and need to force myself into old habits. I was having what I thought was a very productive moment at this picnic bench in the shade. I made sure to find a good spot when the park was empty cause I need my isolation.

All was good until 3 old women come up to my table speaking German but asking to sit. I saw sorry in german hoping that they would hear my accent and fuck off- instead they sit down. Well. Okay. Thanks guys.

 It has been 2 hours, they have eaten pizza, smoked many cigarettes and now a fourth woman has joined. 

at first they were silent, strange but whatever. Now they are done eating and babbling to each other. 

Thankfully. If these women spoke English right now I would rip out my hair and start biting. Im not sure if this is an interaction I should be annoyed by or decide to view it with a beauty. That people like these women who are wearing panty hoes, jeans and orthopedic sandals and I can co-exist on this bench together while I write of nazis and McDonalds.

 Maybe it is quite gorgeous. How we can sit in this empty park, all together without speaking but find a mutual love for this specific table.

Its things like this that make me so American. Im such a cold cunt. Im sorry you would just simply never catch me acting like this in chicago. I would get angry and go away. But Im not sure anyone would randomly sit at my table to eat pizza and blow smoke on my computer in Chicago. Maybe that is the larger difference here. 

As I edit this post the next morning I'm thinking about how sexy it would be if they installed a camera in my head like Wafaa Bilal where it took a single photo everyday for a year at the same time. I think it would be absolutely so fascinating to see and hear all the bullshit I chat on the daily played back for all the faggots that's don't get to hear it IRL. Sucks but lucky for y'all I love to chat bullshit online. 

In other news I still hate feminism

And people still think my taxidermy is weird 

I hope I wake up normal one day- just to do it for a few days . I take that back id probably kill myself if that happened. 

Dont worry guys- only a few more months until I learn how to shoot a gun 

With Love, Shake Ass, and shoot nazis 

FAME 💋

I got cancelled again

On this episode of disgusting claims made against me by the general populous of Instagram

My favorite thing about this year's edition of cancelation: 

CALLS on the phone asking me if I kill animals. 

At this point, I fucking wish I was killing this shit so all these cunts could at least be correct while they harass me online calling me Jeffrey Dahmer. BRUH 

Last I checked I don't rape or kill but anyway---

Just cause I grew up in Wisconsin sometimes does not mean I was learning my animal gutting ways there. Matter-a-fact I learned it in Chicagoland you sick fucks. 

To the MF that called me a bastard- you’re right, good job on the guess, you were spot on. 

No one is ready to have the conversation I'm starting and that’s okay, so instead I will use this platform for a story-time. 

When I was 7 years old, I collected carnival fish. My favorite thing to do while growing up in Wisconsin was going to as many carnivals as possible and using every one of my family members to win as many fish as we could. 

I would then rely on my father to take care of these fish as if they were his children and not factory-farmed victims of capitalism in the form of cotton candy and Ferris wheels.

My father became very dedicated to keeping these fish alive as long as possible for the sake of breaking away from the doom these fish typically face 2-3 days or weeks after their conception from the huts of fried butter and children that leave a trail of stickiness everywhere they go. 

These fish not only lived for multiple years but grew insanely large. Some of them were the really awesome cartoony ones that had eyes that bulged out of their heads…. can you tell I fucking loved these fish… 

One day in December I got a call from my father after school 

“Hey, Soph I have really bad news. One of the carnival fish was floating in the tank this morning” 

“That’s okay… could you freeze it for me for next weekend” 

“I'm sorry I know how much you loved the fish we can get you another one next summer”

“No it's alright can you please put it in the freezer though”

“That’s fucking disgusting no it will get our food dirty”

“Not if you wrap it in a billion plastic bags” (something my scientist mother had taught me)

“Um”

2 weeks later I am on the kitchen counter dissecting my deceased pet and my stepmother walks in

GAGS HER FUCKING BRAINS OUT 

Then runs out of the kitchen yelling for my father to make sure I didn’t completely lose my 7-year-old marbles

I continued to remove all of its organs one by one until only the bulgy eyeballs were left(best for last) 

Once all the bits and pieces of my beloved fish were divorced across paper towels and ziplock bags I decided I was not done until I saw the insides of its organs too. 

MIND YOU I'M USING KITCHEN KNIVES AND UTENSILS 

Until my stepmom came back in with my father who saw me as elbow-deep as you can be in a 4-inch carnival goldfish. They decided I had taken it too far, started getting too creeped out, and took my splay of guts and skin and threw it away;( 

Needless to say, this was just the beginning of my awesomeness- I hope this paints the picture for all the cunts on the internet who realllllllly want me to shut up... maybe you'll get it one day

All I can say at this point is to respectfully get off my page or hop on my wave cause it's awesome over here. It feels like the Wisconsin Dell's tidal pool, it's quite fun. There are margs and floats that look like goldfish and dead animals everywhere it's cooked and perfect

ANYWAY 

If god's will prevails, everyone can appreciate my little story time and hope that we all know each other better now

WITH LOVE, SHAKE ASS, KILL FAST 

💋

FAME

SPRANG BREAAK

 the coldest march weekend turned into the most sexy beach vacation with vibes so random 

It started with best DJs two nights in a row at fave club that led into the most rando afters in the most chicago middle of abandoned something yard the scaries calling me by my instagram that led into two days of casual drinking at home- it really could have been a calm weekend if it weren’t for my attempted kidnapping in front of Aldi just for my neighbor's fire escape to burn down 24 hours later. 

i wrote this weeks ago and i really do think that i summed up my two day spring break quit well. a stay-cation like none other. The way to set the bar terribly, scarily high for the coming months

love life shake ass dont get in the random cars 

love FAME 💋